Christmas has been and gone, we’ve all added an extra chin or two, so what better way to embrace this sloth like existence than by deciding what games to play while sitting on the couch grumpily refusing to follow the rest of the world in the obligatory resolution to get fit. Behold renegade gamers, 2012 has some gaming goodies for us.
1) Mass Effect 3:
The trilogy comes to end! Now, if like me, you’ve been over-protective of your console because it harbours saves from the previous instalments, then rejoice! Mass Effect 3 is nearly here. Once this third person-shooter-RPG arrives, my girlfriend may as well be single until it’s complete.
Release date: 09/03/12
2) Star Trek:
Not a lot is known about this game yet. Early alpha footage was only released at last year’s E3. However, it shows promise with some exciting in-game action. The gameplay looks very Mass Effect inspired, which is far from a bad thing, and quite fast paced. I just hope it goes against the record of many previous Star Trek games, which have been about as pleasant as a fart in a sauna.
Release date: Quarter 2 2012 (But expect it nearer Christmas)
3) Doctor Who – The Eternity Clock:
Absolutely sod all is known about this game at present. But that hasn’t stopped me from adding it to the list. Frankly, the world (by world I mean, me) has been crying out for a
non-handheld Doctor Who game for years. Finally, it has arrived and will be the first in a trilogy. Fingers crossed it’s not awful. I’d be furious if it was.
Release date: 2012
4) Aliens: Colonial Marines:
The highlight of the rather disappointing AVP game was the human marine missions. In all honesty, at times it was absolutely terrifying. Alone in a dark corridor with the motion sensor beeping incessantly is well – let’s just say it’s good I have excellent bladder control. Now a game solely dedicated to this could be quite good indeed. I just hope they choose a more standard control layout, similar to Battlefield and COD, than in the AVP game of a few years ago.
Release date: 30/03/12
5) Tomb Raider:
You may be surprised to find that when the gaming 3D graphics revolution happened, I wasn’t a big fan of the Tomb Raider franchise. I found it boring in the main and the controls were tetchy and irritating. Saying all that, this new one has perked up my interest and I can’t quite fathom why. It looks grittier and providing that the controls and gameplay are good, it shows excellent promise for a reboot (I hate myself for using that word) of the franchise.
Release date: Quarter 4 2012
6) Last Guardian:
For those of you have never played ICO or Shadow of the Colossus, then shame on you! I demand you go out and play the HD version immediately. For those that have, well your dreams have been made real. I give you – Last Guardian. No doubt it’ll be quirky and interesting with some hard bastard puzzles throughout. And it looks absolutely stunning. I doubt it will be mainstream, which is a damn shame. The care that’s gone into it deserves bigger sales.
Release date: 2012
7) GTA V:
Now I’m not really arsed by the GTA franchise. My personal opinion is they are massively over-hyped from good games to world class games and it is “cool” to like them. They’re okay. My problem is I get a bored by them and end up putting it down one day and never being bothered or interested enough to go back. However, no doubt the masses are wetting themselves in anticipation so I’ve included it. Yay, let’s kill hookers…yawn.
Release date: (rumoured) Mid to late-2012
8) Metal Gear Solid HD Collection:
Okay, you got me. It’s not a new game. It’s all the PS2 and PSP ones re-mastered into HD in a bid to squeeze some more pennies from recession tight wallets. I don’t care. Can you find a cooler character than Solid Snake?? Let’s face it, you can’t! I can’t bloody wait. I can swap sneaking around and killing people in Skyrim to sneaking around and killing people in the Metal Gear universe instead. Sneaking and killing is fun. Mwwwwwhahahahahaha.
Release date: 03/02/12
9) Street Figher X Tekkan:
This is the beat ‘em up equivalent of the USS Enterprise taking on the Deathstar. The awesome moment these two huge universes collide is nearly here. Using the much acclaimed Street Fighter 4 engine and characters from both franchises, well it’s not likely to go wrong is it! HADOUKEEEEEEEEN! Oh, and I’ve secured an interview with the masterminds behind these union – expect that late February .
Release date: 09/03/12
I reserve the right to change my opinion if at least one of these is more disappointing than Mock the Week without Frankie Boyle.