After my positive and enjoyable experience with Mass Effect 3 (my hopes were high for this gaming year. Obviously, TEC isn’t in the same blockbuster game bracket as Mass Effect, few are, but such a mammoth cult TV show deserves an equally impressive game. First impression, not bad, decent cut scene, nothing mind-blowing, but decent. Ooooh I can push buttons in the Tardis and the Doctor walks like, well, the Doctor and says funny Doctor-like things. Then it went to shit.
For absolute fuck’s sake, who made this garbage? This type of limited, short-sighted, fun-less catastrophe is a bigger mess than any situation the Doctor ever gets himself into. In fact, I’d rather face Armageddon, armed only with a wooden spoon and a pair of sodden Y-fronts than insult modern gaming machines with this crap. Let me give you a situation in the game (minor boring *spoiler* ahead for any poor sap who ignores this review and forks out money on it):
The Doctor has to navigate various puzzles within the vaults of the Bank of England; one such puzzle involves monkey climbing along pipes from one platform to another. However, these platforms are connected via a frigging walkway! Now I’m not (yet) a genius on the same level as the Doctor, but if there was a choice between monkey climbing and walking to solve a puzzle, walking would win for me. What kind of idiot a) draws in an easy, yet inaccessible, route that makes a mockery of anyone’s common sense, and b) didn’t notice this stupidity and left it in the bloody game? Jesus wept.
I know that’s a minor issue, some stupid little artwork, but it’s just an example of the complete lack of care, joy and pride that has gone into making this game. What should be a wonderful accompaniment to a much loved and consistently excellent sci-fi show is instead a cash cow that Supermassive Massive Games have been given the license to. They’ve thrown any old crap onto a disc and high-fived themselves into oblivion at how awesome they are because minimal effort will result in cash pouring into their bank account. If it was free then I’d look upon it differently. But YOU are expected to pay for this! Well let’s put a stop to this nonsense now. I bloody love Doctor Who and I am not prepared to allow this abomination to sully its good name. Once you’ve read this I want you to get this trending on twitter:
Until we, the consumer, let games developers know that we will not accept their half-hearted, franchise destroying rubbish into our homes we will continually be disappointed when we spend our hard earned cash on tripe like this. Let’s be honest, it’d be more fun burning the £20.
FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, DO NOT SPEND MONEY ON THIS GAME!
0.5 out of 10 (and that’s only because Matt Smith is cool).