“Hi my name is Daniel. I’m 20 years old and have been diagnosed with depression. I’m not writing this article for sympathy or anything silly like that. I’m writing it so that one person, like myself, might read it and feel some hope because they are not alone. I’m not here to say its all going to be ok because I dunno that and I know how shit this is so I’m not going to patronise you. Before my onset of depression I was a normal 19 year old. Second year of uni, great girlfriend, top mates and not a care in the world … or so I thought.  A few major changes turned my life upside down and I plummeted to depths of unhappiness I didn’t know were possible. I’m quite an organised person, I have my routines day to day and I like to stick to them. When I met Elle, my girlfriend, my life changed completely.  Going from hanging out with myself or flat mates most nights, I was now hanging out with her. I hardly had time for anything else. At the same time, a few other things were happening in my life causing me stress. My mum is going through a radical career change and is going to become a Methodist minister! This meant that at one point we didn’t know where we could be living after the summer holidays and tons of other unknowns were in the mix. Also we had to find new digs. Our flat mate Jamal had now finished uni and was moving out to get a proper adult job. This left me, Tom and Craig to find a new three bed flat in edinburgh. Not an easy task. I have never suffered a stress overload before.  To be honest I thought I was good at dealing with stress, but suddenly I started to shut down.  I stopped hanging out with mates, stayed in bed not having the energy to get up and make myself lunch. I started to miss uni lectures, I just felt like even the smallest things were impossible. At first I didn’t recognise these classic depression symptoms but it all cumulated one day when it all got too much. I hadn’t left my flat in three days. I didn’t know what was going on. I plucked up the courage to call a charity helpline called Breathing Space. A women answered and we talked for a while about how I was feeling.  She recommended I see the doctor and maybe a university counsellor to talk through my problems. I booked a appointment with my uni GP but chickened out, telling myself I would probably waste their time. Instead I organised to go see Morag, a counsellor at uni. I explained to her how I felt and she referred me to the GP where I was prescribed 20 mg of fluoxitene a day. It was now the Easter holidays and in my mind I though I would be back at uni after the four week break like nothing had changed. If I could give one piece of advice to someone trying to recover from depression don’t set yourself ridiculous time scales to recover.  It only hurts more when you don’t achieve them. Over the holidays I got worse, doing next to no revision and only scraping to write my end of year paper.  My mum suggested I go see the doctors at home where we agreed a new dosage of 40mg of fluoxitene a day.  At first I thought this had solved everything. I gained confidence and thought I could go back and complete my end of year exams. When I got back to Edinburgh I started to spiral downwards again, getting into patterns very similar to how I was before. I tried to tell myself everything was ok as long as I got through these exams. I muddled through my first exam which was for biology, not my main subject. But as my core chemistry exams got closer, I lost it. I delved to my darkest place. It’s difficult to describe those days, since I have tried to forget them since it wasn’t a pleasant place to be.  Suicidal thoughts were not uncommon and running away felt easier than doing these exams.  In the end I broke down, told my girlfriend everything and decided the postpone my exams till the end of June.  I then headed home for the summer not really knowing what to expect or how I would feel when I got there. So that pretty much bring us to now. I’m seeing a new counsellor at home called Bob and feel I’m making great progress with him.  I’m also in the process of switching my medication to Sertraline which I think will help a great deal. I’ve read dozens of websites and books on how to recover from depression. I can’t say they have helped but one thing I’m sure of is having a strong support unit around you, whether family, friends or your partner, is a must.”   If you need help with any of the issues in this article, have a look at our Issues pages or search through our issues/agency drop down lists below