What's doing your head in?

Divorce and Separation

Anger

Finding out that your parents are separating raises all sorts of emotions. It's different for everyone. You might feel devastated or you may have mixed feelings, particularly if they haven't been getting on and it's been affecting you. You may even be relieved, especially if it means an end to any conflict. Don't be surprised if you feel one or a mixture of the following.

Guilt

Many blokes feel resentful towards their parents or ex once the split is out in the open. It feels like they've forced you to deal with a situation that you never wanted to happen in the first place. Try to remember that it didn't happen to make you feel bad. It came about to make everyone feel better in the long run.

Relief

It's normal to look back on the past and feel that somehow you might be responsible. It's easy to think that if you'd behaved differently the separation would ever have happened. Face facts: if things weren't working the chances are that you or your parents tried everything possible to keep things together. There's nothing else you could have done, and your folks aren't separating because of you. It's just the right thing to do in the situation they found themselves in. It's sad but true but marital and relationship problems are common. You're not alone.

Shock and disbelief

If the split puts an end to all the arguments and grief in your house, it's normal to be relieved. Don't feel bad - try and understand why you feel this way instead. It may be the last thing you'd expect but if it means you can all start getting on with your lives then why shouldn't you feel that the worst is over?

Sadness and grief

It's often been said that dealing with divorce comes second only to dealing with a death in the family. When someone who's close to you leaves, it can feel like they've gone for good. In time, and with a bit of support from those involved, things will be more manageable. But CALM is always there in the meantime to help you keep calm and find a way to deal with your new circumstances.