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Date night

If someone tells you there’s anything more beautiful than a woman they are either homosexual or they collect stamps. Or both. There’s everything to celebrate about homosexuality, even stamp collecting if it’s your thing, but neither are mine. I love women.

Loving women has its good and bad points, but the good far outweigh the bad, and so usually some kind of contentment can be found. When two forces of nature meet however, you just know there’s going to be trouble. In the red corner, heterosexuality, and in the blue – fear. Fear in the shape of social anxiety.

If there is a greater swirling mass of boiling emotion that exists I’ve yet to witness it. This is the dilemma. How to have a love life while wanting to hide in the toilets and cover yourself with the Financial Times. Now, I have tried, and I’ve met women. In fact, looking back I’ve met quite a lot of women, but that doesn’t make it easier. Ask any comic if they lose their nerves before going on stage and they’ll emphatically tell you no. So, what’s the plan? What can be done to get past the fear and get amongst people?

Well, if you thought I had any idea do you think I’d be writing this article? No, I’d be writing a book and living in a blue sea paradise.

I’ve been rather flippant I know, and the reality is hard and cruel, but I think it helps to laugh at our fears if we can manage it. Even if it’s once in a while. Yes, after telling you I haven’t any idea I’m now contradicting myself and will continue to do so as I give you my latest ideas.

First of all, level the playing field. You won’t get far if you sit opposite someone you fancy and haven’t explained to them about your social anxiety. Instead you’ll try and be cool while your brain turns into the latest iced cream from McDonald’s. Unpleasant for everyone.

I usually get a date via the hell commonly known as the dating website. Hell yes, but it gives me the opportunity to chat to someone for a few days and then mention my social anxiety. Usually women are OK with it. That’s one of the things that we need to remember. The thing we are scared of isn’t out there, it’s inside us, and it was put there when we were small and some big person told us the world was a dangerous place. It isn’t always. It is sometimes, and sometimes it’s amazing. That’s what we’re going to discover if we are brave enough to tell our truth.

There really isn’t anything new here. You’ll have read it a hundred times. The way to date with social anxiety is to be yourself, tell the person you want to date, and if they respond positively then your original hunch about them will have been confirmed. Sure, we all hate rejection, and we all get beaten down by constant fighting, so don’t fight. Stand still, tell your truth, and know that there are people out there who will love you for it.

Dating is terrifying if you suffer with social phobia, but if you want to be licking more than stamps, you’ll find a way, and I’ll be right behind you.

Good luck.

There’s more from Tony here.

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