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YOUR VOICE: “Even getting out of bed was a pointless task”

“I don’t really remember the exact time when I thought that I may need help. It may have been around the time when my bestfriend discovered the huge cuts on my wrists.
When I was 6 months old, my biological father walked out of the flat my parents lived in, and he never came back. My mum remarried when I was 5,  her husband adopted me and now he’s my dad. However, at the age of 15 the curiosity got the best of me, and I was able to find the email address of my biological father. We spoke regularly for a few months over email, and we eventually skyped. It was then I realised that nothing he ever said was the truth. The lies he told me were so unrealistic you may have thought that a child was telling them.
When he forgot my 16th birthday, and I didn’t even recieve an email, I felt so many emotions at once, and then nothing at all. I didn’t care about anything anymore. I cut myself as a way of control; I couldn’t control the emotional pain I felt, but physical pain I could.
Soon, even getting out of bed in the morning was a difficult and pointless task.
My best friend became my support system, she made me a box containing bandages, a letter, a list of alternatives to harming, a DVD of photos of us together and the numbers of helplines. She helped me tell my mum that I had been cutting myself, and then my mum was able to arrange for me to have cognitive therapy. I was also prescribed antidepressants, and was taking Prozac for a quite a few months. I then cut my biological father out of my life completely.
I’m now 17. I’m off the antidepressants but I’m still having cognitive therapy. I’m preparing to go to university in a year. I’m surrounded by people who love and care about me, and I haven’t put a blade to my skin for over 7 months.  I’m happy to be able to wake up in the morning.”

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