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V.I.P – Very Impotent Person

Have you ever been a VIP? Oh, come on – I’m sure you have at some point. Well, how about I step forward and tell you that I have been a ‘VIP’ (Very Impotent Person) many times and I’m not embarrassed to talk about it. Impotence. Erectile disfunction. Whatever you want to call it.  I’ve been there. And I can safely assume you have too.

The first time I got the ‘VIP’ treatment was after a skin-full. I got signed up on that guest list from the first of many, many Tequilas. It was inevitable. If I couldn’t so much as stand up straight to take my trainers off without rocking and rolling around the floor, what hope had my todger got? I couldn’t even manage a cheeky Thomas Tank. So there I was – left with a floppy tequila worm, and a looming hangover.

This became a bit of a habit in my twenties – instead of going home with people to have sex, I knew I wouldn’t be able to speak let alone perform in the sack, so instead opted for a snog and a fumble in the club and left it at that.

In fact I did find myself bringing Donna home most weekends. An ideal arrangement for me. We had an amazing time – no sexpectations, she was pleased with my large appetite and would be gone by the morning. Amazing. Sorry did I say Donna? I meant Donner…

Anyway, kebab jokes aside, it occurred to me that there was a pattern forming. That I was convincing myself I wouldn’t be able to get hard after a night out. The reality was that I wasn’t even trying. I was acting like I was permanently unable to get it up without even bothering to find out.

Then there’s the hangover horn. A headache and morning glory. Combination of heaven and hell. Usually this was a lazy day filled with movies, junk food and intermittent masturbation.

I really was taking my hard-ons for granted. Alcohol and a poor diet are huge contributors for erectile dysfunction (or dispunktion as I used to call it).

Guys in their teens, 20’s and 30’s associate erection issues with old men – or older men. I know I used to.

It’s true that men over a certain age are medically more prone to having such physical issues with their penises but young men are not exempt.

You tell me a young bloke who hasn’t experienced stress: whether it’s hormone issues, school, exams, college, uni, relationships, academic and career expectations, finances etc, they are all massive contributors to anxiety and stress. These two little bastards are certain to sign you up to the VIP guest list, whether you want to or not.

Depression is another popular club that will creep up on you and, before you know it, will have signed you ‘up’ for the downer.

For me, the coin flipped. I drank less and screwed around more. I was more satisfied with screaming orgasms that didn’t come out of a cheap plastic jug with straws.

I went through some life challenges and turned to my GP for advice. I needed some help for my anxiety and depression. I tried to ignore them but I needed reinforcement. I was put on medication.

Whilst the medication alleviated some seriously unpleasant symptoms, a prevalent side effect was impotence. I struggled. Having my mojo finally return to only find myself  waving it goodbye on a possibly indefinite journey? Ouch.

I’m not saying that if you experience anxiety, stress or depression you will automatically get a gold card for the VIP club. I think it’s healthy for a guy to not take his junk for granted. To know it operates like a machine and sometimes it breaks down and that’s ok. It may mean going to the doctors for an MOT to see if there are any issues that might be affecting the ignition, but that’s ok too.

GP’s, Doctors, hospital and clinic staff have seen a thousand willies. Don’t be afraid to talk about yours to your mates or your partner or your doctor. Ok you don’t have to put it in your facebook status or tell your folks at dinner, but I think trying to ignore any issues down below will only exacerbate the long term psychological effects.

Let’s face it, lads, we will all be invited to the VIP party and at some point in our lives. It’s normal and not the end of the world –  being ‘up front’ about it can only do good.

There’s plenty of good advice as well as simple treatments at our disposal. They’re not ‘hard’ to access and I’m a ‘firm’ believer in ‘putting it’ out there (ahem).

For more information on erectile dysfunction please check out the following useful links:

NHS Choices

Everyday Health (Specifically in young men)

Check out Gaz’s website:

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