Chris finally admitted to his friends on Facebook what he’d been going through, and what he’d done. He tagged CALM in the post and has allowed us to share his story with you…
I’ve not done this before but…
On 17th March 2008, after a really long and horrible struggle with depression and anxiety, I took a massive overdose. It wasn’t a rash decision, but soon afterwards I panicked; I started hallucinating and freaking out, and I FINALLY did the thing I should’ve done months, even years, before. I called a friend.
I hadn’t spoken to anyone about how low I was feeling. I hadn’t shared my problems with any friends, or explained to my GP just how close to the edge I really was. I hadn’t felt able to do those things. I hadn’t felt able to admit how much of a black hole I felt my life had become.
I passed out. I woke up in a bed in a hospital ward, surrounded by very old, very sick people who really were close to the end. I can remember how I felt: I was disorientated, I was lonely, I felt stupid, and I had done serious damage to my liver and kidneys.
But I was alive. I am alive.
I keep that in mind now every day. Every day where life feels like it’s getting on top of me and that I can’t cope, I think about how low I was and how alone I was and how I wish I had just talked to someone. I think now about how just talking has changed so much in my life.
If you’re ever feeling low. TALK.
If you ever feel like it’s too much to take. TALK.
If you don’t know what to do. TALK.
If you have nothing left to lose. Just TALK.
You’re not alone. There are always people who will listen. Even if it seems like there’s nobody nearby, there are people at the end of a phone line: Blurt Foundation; Samaritans; The CALMzone; Rethink Mental Illness….
If you’re worried about a friend, you can be the one to make the call too.
If you’re in crisis or you don’t know what to do, call CALM on 0800 585858. Our helpline is open 5pm until midnight every day of the week. It’s free, anonymous, confidential and staffed by professionals. We also provide the same service via web chat. If you need to talk to someone outside of those times, call Samaritans on 116 123. In 2014, 4,623 men took their lives in the UK – Don’t Be A Statistic.
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