Need help? Call our helpline…

5pm–midnight, 365 days a year …or find help online here

Nationwide

0800 58 58 58

London

0808 802 58 58

Use

Webchat
Need help? Call our helpline
or find help online.

YOUR VOICE: I Am Alive

Chris finally admitted to his friends on Facebook what he’d been going through, and what he’d done. He tagged CALM in the post and has allowed us to share his story with you…

I’ve not done this before but…

On 17th March 2008, after a really long and horrible struggle with depression and anxiety, I took a massive overdose. It wasn’t a rash decision, but soon afterwards I panicked; I started hallucinating and freaking out, and I FINALLY did the thing I should’ve done months, even years, before. I called a friend.

I hadn’t spoken to anyone about how low I was feeling. I hadn’t shared my problems with any friends, or explained to my GP just how close to the edge I really was. I hadn’t felt able to do those things. I hadn’t felt able to admit how much of a black hole I felt my life had become.

I passed out. I woke up in a bed in a hospital ward, surrounded by very old, very sick people who really were close to the end. I can remember how I felt: I was disorientated, I was lonely, I felt stupid, and I had done serious damage to my liver and kidneys.

But I was alive. I am alive.

I keep that in mind now every day. Every day where life feels like it’s getting on top of me and that I can’t cope, I think about how low I was and how alone I was and how I wish I had just talked to someone. I think now about how just talking has changed so much in my life.

If you’re ever feeling low. TALK.
If you ever feel like it’s too much to take. TALK.
If you don’t know what to do. TALK.
If you have nothing left to lose. Just TALK.

You’re not alone. There are always people who will listen. Even if it seems like there’s nobody nearby, there are people at the end of a phone line: Blurt Foundation; Samaritans; The CALMzone; Rethink Mental Illness….

If you’re worried about a friend, you can be the one to make the call too.

If you’re in crisis or you don’t know what to do, call CALM on 0800 585858. Our helpline is open 5pm until midnight every day of the week. It’s free, anonymous, confidential and staffed by professionals. We also provide the same service via web chat. If you need to talk to someone outside of those times, call Samaritans on 116 123. In 2014, 4,623 men took their lives in the UK – Don’t Be A Statistic

Related issues

Disclaimer: The views expressed in this article or in the comments below, are not those held by CALM or its Trustees unless stated, and liability cannot be accepted for such comments. We encourage friendly and constructive debate, but please don't share personal contact details when commenting and exercise caution when considering any advice offered by others. We don’t allow abusive, offensive or inappropriate comments or comments that could be interpreted as libellous, defamatory or commercial and we will remove these without warning as and when we find them.

Leave a Reply

Related Articles

  • YOUR VOICE: Everyone needs a sounding board…

    YOUR VOICE: Everyone needs a sounding board…

    I am a 51 year old who suffers from bipolar disorder, and I have done for many years. It’s the textbook kind: Crushing, debilitating lows locked…

  • Don’t ‘Believe In’ Depression? This Is What It Feels Like

    Don’t ‘Believe In’ Depression? This Is What It Feels Like

    This post was originally published on Nick’s personal blog and an edited version is shared below with his permission… I hope, by sharing this, to build on…

  • The Playground Days Are Over

    The Playground Days Are Over

    Michael sent his raw and personal story of loss to CALM in the hope that it might help just one person feel less alone. One would…

  • POEM: The Prison

    POEM: The Prison

    My mind is like a prison, but there’s no prison guards or appropriate safety measures. There’s a riot taking place. The alarms are going off and…

  • Planet Rock DJ Wyatt Wendels: I didn’t want to live anymore

    Planet Rock DJ Wyatt Wendels: I didn’t want to live anymore

    Supporter and Planet Rock DJ, Wyatt Wendels, opens up about why he’s battling a dodgy knee and subzero temperatures to cycle over 180 miles for CALM… After…

  • Don’t Be A Statistic

    Don’t Be A Statistic

    On 19th November, International Men’s Day 2015, as one part of a huge amount of nationwide activity and discussion around the issue of male suicide, Rapman released, with…

Latest Articles