23rd February 2024

“The stigma gets smaller the more people speak about it” Nadine Shah on suicide and her album

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We caught up with singer-songwriter and shiny new CALM ambassador Nadine Shah about her brilliant album Filthy Underneath - the unfiltered account of a turbulent chapter in her life where she struggled with grief, addiction and attempted to take her own life. She spoke about moving forward and releasing her most personal album so far.

Nadine dials in from Amsterdam - buzzing to be on tour with Depeche Mode who she first supported 11 years ago. She feels more ready for arena shows this time round though, armed with her biggest album yet:

“It’s so much fun to play these big silly rooms as we have the songs to fill them now. Even though the subject matter on the album is quite macabre the songs don’t feel like that to play. Greatest Dancer is challenging to sing, it’s real vocal acrobatics and I’m knackered at the end of the set, but it’s cathartic using the full range of my voice.”

From Topless Mother which sarcastically pokes fun at a counsellor she didn’t get on with in rehab, to Greatest Dancer, a synth-laden indie anthem which Nadine says has pushed her vocals into new ranges - the album’s gothic theatricality is offset by Shah’s witty lyrics which capture the minute details of the mundanity of life.

Beneath the humour Filthy Underneath is actually about one of the most challenging periods in Nadine’s life. After losing her mum to cancer she struggled with addiction and the closing track on the record is about her suicide attempt. French Exit details the room where she tried to take her own life - “Pizza box lid / When I couldn’t find paper / Wine was fancy / Chateau Musar for my neighbour.” Nadine’s not sung the track live yet and isn’t sure how she’ll feel when she does:

“I wrote French Exit when I was in rehab because we were encouraged to keep a diary each day. I was going through things and processing stuff. The song’s very literal and some people might find it crass, but it’s actually a really sad song. There’s a saving grace to me playing the song live though.

"There’s this phrase that got bandied around a lot in rehab which was ‘the opposite of addiction is connection’ and it’s true because addiction can really take hold of your mental health and isolate you."

“When I came out of rehab I was asked to play Titania in A Midsummer Night’s Dream. I’d never done acting before but I wanted some structure in my life. There’s a scene where Titania does a sexual dance with a donkey and I said they could use an instrumental from the new album. They chose the instrumental from French Exit - so when I perform the song I don’t know if I’ll cry or burst out laughing. It’s quite likely I could start thinking about that sexy donkey...”

Caring for her terminally ill mother took a toll on Shah’s mental health and she turned to substance abuse. After her mum passed away things got worse and Nadine started isolating herself, embarrassed and ashamed about what she was going through. It was an intervention from a friend that saved Nadine’s life and she’s grateful for the support she’s had in getting the help she needed.

“Luckily there was an intervention and I didn’t end up taking my own life. There’s this phrase that got bandied around a lot in rehab which was ‘the opposite of addiction is connection’ and it’s true because addiction can really take hold of your mental health and isolate you.

"The moment I started talking about it was the moment things got better.”

Nadine doesn’t shy away from difficult topics in her music. Her debut album dealt with losing an ex-boyfriend to suicide, while Mercury Prize nominated album Holiday Destination addressed the Syrian refugee crisis and her last record Kitchen Sink was about the sexism she experienced in her 30s. But Filthy Underneath might be her most personal album so far:

“It would be nice to write with mystery but that went a long time ago. I write deeply personal songs, but I don’t want to dictate what people get from my music - when it comes to subjects like suicide and addiction I think the more people talk about it, the more that dialogue isn't shrouded in shame. The social stigmas get smaller so that people are better able to talk about how they’re feeling.”

We’re excited to announce Nadine as a keen ambassador for CALM. She knows just how important support services like our helpline and livechat are when someone’s at crisis point:

“I have friends who’ve been suffering with mental illnesses and needed emergency services and can’t get through to anybody. You can be on waiting lists and never get to the top of them - that’s a huge problem in the UK and unfortunately charities like CALM are needed now more than ever.”

Despite everything she’s been through, Nadine continues to write with raw honesty and Filthy Underneath is testament to the resilience that can be found in making music. Will her next album be quite so personal? Shah laughs modestly:

“A lot of my inspiration comes from very mundane immature stuff. I really enjoy writing about personal experiences, but I’ve written quite enough about myself now - I think my next album will be really mythical instead.”

Nadine Shah’s standout new album Filthy Underneath is out now. And if you’re affected by anything you've read or struggling with stuff, we’re here to support you. No matter what you’re facing, there’s loads of reasons to Stay. Check out the CALM Guides for practical advice on stuff you might be going through, or if you’re finding it hard to see a way forward you can find support through our helpline and livechat.