Help someone who is struggling

Knowing what to say when someone’s struggling can be tough. But you don’t have to work it out alone. 

If you've noticed something is off with a mate or you think they may feel suicidal, we’ll help guide you through how to check in about mental health and suicide safely.

Use this chat to practise checking in with someone you’re worried about, so you can look out for the people around you.

Before you check in with someone, take a moment to check in with yourself.

How are you feeling? It’s normal to feel anxious, worried or a little uncomfortable. And it’s ok to feel that way. Checking in with someone isn’t easy, but it can be life-saving. 

Next, you’ll need to think about where and how you check in with your friend or family member.

It doesn’t have to be in person, but it should be a private space you both feel comfortable in - that could be over coffee, on a WhatsApp message or a phone call.

Great job - they opened up. Now it's time to listen.

Often, when someone's struggling, they just want to be heard. Avoid comparing their situation to your own experience or suggesting solutions right now. This is the time to hear what they have to say.

And don't be afraid of silence. Sometimes people need a little space and time to think. You don't have to fill every gap.

Let them get their thoughts out of their head - and where it feels comfortable you can nod, or react encouragingly in a way that feels natural to you.

Letting someone know that you’re available and want to help, is a great first step. It helps people to feel seen and cared about, which can make a huge difference to how they’re feeling. 

Even if someone isn’t keen to talk right away, knowing you care, can feel really validating. It might be what they need to take those first steps to get help.

Sometimes people need to be sure you really want to hear what they have to say.

Try to open the conversation a little with a question or reassure them that you care. It’s good advice to ask twice if you're worried about someone.

Letting someone know that you’re available and want to help, is a great first step. It helps people to feel seen and cared about, which can make a huge difference to how they’re feeling. 

Even if someone isn’t keen to talk right away, knowing you care, can feel really validating. It might be what they need to take those first steps to get help.

Great job - they opened up. Now it's time to listen.

Often, when someone's struggling, they just want to be heard. Avoid comparing their situation to your own experience or suggesting solutions right now. This is the time to hear what they have to say.

And don't be afraid of silence. Sometimes people need a little space and time to think. You don't have to fill every gap.

Let them get their thoughts out of their head - and where it feels comfortable you can nod, or react encouragingly in a way that feels natural to you.

If you’ve asked twice and shared that you’re there for them, you’ve done all you can. You can’t force someone to open up.

Let them know that if they change their mind or want to talk another time, that you are up for it.

When someone opens up about suicidal thoughts, asking more about them is really important. But you’re not alone. We’re here to help you ask about suicide safely.

Often, people avoid asking details because they don’t know all the answers, or because they don’t think it’s their place.

Asking about suicide

Now for the part people often miss or avoid - asking about suicidal thoughts.

It can feel intimidating or scary to ask about suicidal thoughts, but it really can be life-saving. We’re here to help you ask about suicide safely. You’re not alone.

Often, people worry that their friend might feel uncomfortable if they ask about suicide - but it’s a sign of someone who truly cares. People who’ve experienced suicidal thoughts often feel valued and seen when someone reaches out.

Another common worry is that asking about suicide will put the idea in someone’s head, but that’s a myth. Asking someone about suicidal thoughts helps relieve pressure and can be the first step in getting the right help.

If someone shares they have thought about suicide, you don’t have to have all the answers. You can find help together, there’s support available.

Let’s look at some ways you can ask about suicidal thoughts…

You’ve done something important by checking in. Sometimes people aren’t ready to talk, or the moment doesn’t feel right, but you've shown them you care.

It’s also important to remember that sometimes people are fine. Checking in won’t always end in a big heart-to-heart, sometimes everything really is ok.

If you are still concerned, share how you feel with someone you feel comfortable with. And make sure to take care of yourself - especially if you’re holding worry about someone else. It can take its toll.

You don’t need to be a professional to check if someone is safe. While it might feel intense or awkward to ask about plans or intent, this information can really help find the right support for the person you care about. Asking about suicide is a sign of someone who truly cares. People who’ve experienced suicidal thoughts often feel valued and seen when someone reaches out.

You don’t have to know all the answers, and you certainly aren’t expected to replace professional help, but asking a couple of questions about how safe someone is can make all the difference.

People often avoid asking about suicide, because they’re scared of what the answer may be. But no matter how they respond, it’s important to remember, you’re not alone. You don’t need to know all the answers.

Asking is the first step to finding vital support - there’s lots of professional help out there, including CALM’s helpline.

And remember, if anyone is in immediate danger alway contact emergency services.

Suicidal thoughts range from fleeting thoughts about not being around, to thinking about how someone might take their own life. Knowing how your friend is feeling and the intensity of their thoughts can help you both decide on the best way to support them - what help to get and who else to share the information with.

Remember, it's not all on you. Professional support is available, including CALM's helpline.

If someone opens up about suicide, try to find out how intense their experiences are. Suicidal thoughts range from fleeting thoughts about not being around, to thinking about how they might take their own life. 

When someone opens up, ask them about how often they’ve experienced the thoughts, and whether they’ve made plans to act on them. It can feel scary, but knowing this information will help you both decide on the best way to support them.

And remember, it's not all on you. Professional support is available, including CALM's helpline.

Suicidal thoughts can be intense and confusing. Sometimes, people might not have put them into words or recognised what they are. Reassure the person you care about that it's ok to feel the way they do, and suggest finding a way forward together.

Asking about suicidal thoughts is life-saving. If the person you care about hasn't experienced suicidal thoughts, they'll know how much you care about them. It doesn't put the idea into their head.

Well done. Supporting a mate isn't always easy but you're doing well.

Learning how to talk about suicide and mental health safely is a great way to be there for the people you care about.

When someone opens up about their suicidal thoughts, it’s not your job to solve everything. And one conversation can’t fix everything. But it can start the process of getting help. And that’s what we’re going to focus on next. 

After your friend or family member opens up, listen to them and help them feel seen - just like you have been doing already.

When you feel ready, it’s time to suggest getting some help. 

As always, if anyone is in immediate danger, contact emergency services.

Sharing suicidal thoughts can feel scary. But you don’t have to take on all that pressure on your own.

Avoid promising to keep things completely secret. Explain that you can keep things private, but that their safety is your number one priority - and if they’re in danger you’ll need to tell other people. 

That doesn’t mean immediately rushing to share personal info, it means working together to agree how to move forward and help them feel better.   

Carrying this kind of information can have a massive impact on your own mental health. Inviting others in can be vital to make sure you don't get overwhelmed.

Lots of people experience suicidal thoughts. Getting professional support is really important to move past them and feel better. Now we’ll look at ways you can invite others in to support.

It might be they speak to a partner, friend, or parent, or you may want to encourage them to speak to a helpline like CALM’s or their GP. Whatever you decide, CALM’s helpline is there for you too - if you’re worried about someone who’s suicidal you can get in touch over WhatsApp, chat or phone.

Well done for asking about suicide. Not every conversation about suicide will involve suicidal thoughts - but asking helps make sure the people around you are safe. 

Sometimes, just asking is enough for someone to seek help independently. Well done for getting this far. It’s not easy, but it is life-saving. 

You don’t have to shut the conversation down just because someone says they haven’t had suicidal thoughts. Continue the chat, listen and be present in their company. You’ve done an amazing job. 

If you are still worried about your friend or family member, chat to someone you trust about your concerns. You don’t have to carry all that worry alone.

When someone opens up about their suicidal thoughts, it’s not your job to solve everything. And one conversation can’t fix everything. But it can start the process of getting help. And that’s what we’re going to focus on next. 

After your friend or family member opens up, listen to them and help them feel seen - just like you have been doing already.

When you feel ready, it’s time to suggest getting some help. 

As always, if anyone is in immediate danger, contact emergency services.

Lots of people experience suicidal thoughts. Getting professional support is really important to move past them and feel better. Now we’ll look at ways you can invite others in to support.

It might be they speak to a partner, friend, or parent, or you may want to encourage them to speak to a helpline like CALM’s or their GP. Whatever you decide, CALM’s helpline is there for you too - if you’re worried about someone who’s suicidal you can get in touch over WhatsApp, chat or phone.

Asking about suicide is life-saving. Well done for looking out for the person you care about. It really shows you care. 

Not every person you ask about suicide will have experienced suicidal thoughts. And that’s ok. Talking about suicide doesn’t put the idea in people’s head. In fact, it shows how much you care and that you’re available if they ever need to talk. 

Asking about suicide also helps normalise this kind of conversation - and that’s massive. If people feel comfortable to check in about suicide, we’ll create an open environment for people to share and get help. Thanks for being part of that.

When a conversation about suicide ends, it’s not the end of road. You can keep showing you care by checking in and finding out how they’re doing. It’s a massive deal that they opened up to you about their struggles, so be present and listen to what they have to say.

And if you’re struggling, CALM’s helpline and services are here for you.

When a conversation about suicide ends, it’s not the end of road. You can keep showing you care by checking in and finding out how they’re doing.

You might check in with other friends or family members who you’ve agreed to speak to. You could also use this conversation plan to chat again in the future. 

You don’t have to carry any of this alone. Support from others is really important for you too. If it’s feeling too much, make sure you reach out for help.

If you’re struggling, CALM is here for you.