Marij was later diagnosed with PTSD. Her debilitating panic attacks and health anxiety made her feel like a burden to her family and friends and she was covering up the struggles she was facing everyday. After six months of pushing her feelings to the side Marij couldn’t do it anymore.
“I thought I was a massive burden and I didn’t want my husband feeling like he had to look after me. You get into a mindset where you think everybody is better off without you. I didn’t realise I was having suicidal thoughts.
“Your brain can take you to a place where you really have no control over what you do. It's not that I wanted to die, I just wanted the pain to end. I was exhausted from years of fighting anxiety and I just didn’t want to fight anymore.”
Marij is a survivor of suicide. She wants to share her experience to show that anyone can feel suicidal, but nobody is alone:
“I was just an ordinary person doing ordinary things and it happened to me. I wish somebody had told me about their experience because you feel very alone. It doesn’t matter what your background is, anyone can have suicidal thoughts. I hope by talking about it it gives people hope to push forward for the future.”