Picking up my guitar helped me feel better: Craig's story

When Craig was signed off work and struggling with suicidal thoughts he turned to his guitar, which had sat in its case for six years. Returning to songwriting as a way to process what he was going through, he’s now playing music against living miserably again, raising money and awareness for CALM through doing what he loves.

On what felt like any other day in 2016, Craig was standing on a railway platform commuting home after work, when he collapsed and hit his head. Told he was suffering from severe burnout from a stressful management job, Craig thought he’d be back at work after a couple of weeks taking it easy. Instead things got harder.

“I spoke to a GP and was told I was suffering from chronic anxiety and depression. They said I’d been under so much stress and pressure and our brains can only take so much before they shut down. I struggled to eat and couldn't get out of the door to go to the garden because I was filled with the worry that if I stood up I was going to collapse.

“I spent the next five months learning how to reintegrate into the world, but when I’d commute into work or look at my laptop or phone I’d be in cold sweats and get panic attacks. That’s when the GP diagnosed me with PTSD. I couldn’t understand why I had it because I hadn’t seen awful things, but they explained that trauma is trauma.”

Trying to shut out overwhelming negative thoughts, Craig looked for ways to be more in the moment. Having spent ten years in the music industry, he’d left his band to pursue a career in the railway industry, shutting his guitar away. But in a bid to feel better, he picked it back up.

“After about ten minutes playing, it felt so good. Songs just started coming to me and it was the first time I’d written in about six or seven years."

"It helped me process and make sense of what I'd been through. It felt like I’d repaired a bit of myself and I understood why I felt how I felt."

“The songs were about what I was going through, looking back at the build up to when I was ill. They were a piece of me at that time and it opened up a way to reflect on it all. I could look at the future and think ‘I don’t want to be in this place again, so these are the paths I’ll take now’.”

What hit Craig most during this tough time, was the fact that he was lucky to have a support network.He knew how alone you can feel when you’re in a difficult place, and decided to use his re-found passion for music to help other people who might feel similar:

“If it wasn’t for support I wouldn’t be here to talk to you now. But there are people who don’t have access to healthcare or a network of people around them. Music gives people a place to escape to and I wanted to use what I’ve been through to do something for other people. What better way to stick it to mental illness than releasing songs for CALM.”

Hoping to turn his experience into something positive, Craig hopes his songs will help people to feel less alone, showing that it’s possible for things to get better. He’ll be donating all sales and streaming profits to our life-saving services, helping us to be there for anyone struggling, no matter what.

You can check out Craig's new music here and read more about why he’s channelling his experience into an album.

From PTSD to stress and anxiety - if you’re struggling, we have loads of useful stuff to help you in the CALM Guides, or if you need to talk to someone, our helpline and webchat is open every day from 5pm until midnight.