I couldn’t shake these things. Following me round and tripping me up, disrupting my day like someone else’s bad breath. No need! Little things, like you’d be in the middle of something like watching the telly or work, wasting time playing Call of Duty, and some switch happens and you feel either sh!t or you get numb.
Used to happen to me quite a lot. I was at college a while and stopped going, just couldn’t see the point. They’re pretty persuasive, your demons.
I call them demons, at least I used to, but that only makes them seem invincible. Who can win in that fight? I mean come on, in a video game you might go use cheats to beat the boss, but what if the bad guy’s in your own head?
But I did it. I had an anger problem when I was younger and I beat that. And it wasn’t with a magic lotion or some long-named crazy therapy thing. I realised one day that actually if I was quitting school and jobs, getting out my box all the time and always messing things up for myself cos everything felt sh!t, then I had a problem. And problems can be solved. I met some good people that I learned to trust, and started letting people know what was going on inside my head. The more I talked about it, the more normal and kinda ridiculous these demons became, til it seemed most people had them and wouldn’t let them win.
Why let them beat you? What are you going to gain by having a bad chief run riot? There aren’t any demons, just things that need to be expressed. Find people you can open up with, otherwise the bad guys have more chance of winning when you’re playing on your own. You can beat them, I did.