Gender Identity

In reality, there's more to gender than that. What it means to be a man or a woman changes across time and between different cultures. As an example, people didn’t used to think women were capable of being educated in the same way as men or having the same jobs. Women who challenged this were accused of being ‘manly’.

Basically, gender is not a fixed and unchanging concept, and people’s gender identity doesn’t always line up with the physical traits most commonly regarded as male and female.

Gender identity can be personal to everyone, but lots of people share experiences that can be described using the following terms:

• Transgender (or trans): your gender identity is different to the sex you were assigned at birth. For example, you could have been assigned male at birth, but transition to being a woman.

• Non-binary: you might feel like neither ‘man’ or ‘woman’ fit you. This is called being non-binary. Some non-binary people identify as trans, or use other words to describe their experience, such as being genderqueer.

• Intersex: you were born with a combination of what are typically called ‘male’ and ‘female’ traits. Intersex people are still assigned a sex at birth, which may not line up with their own sense of their gender.

• Cisgender: someone whose gender identity is the same as the sex they were assigned at birth.

This is just a small number of the ways that people describe their experience of their gender. If you want to read more about other gender identities, including what it means to be gender non-conforming or gender fluid, go to MindOut.

Whatever your gender identity, you might also be LGBQ+, or you might be straight. You can read more about how your sexuality might impact your mental health in our sexuality guide.

Questioning your gender

Lots of people have a strong sense of their gender identity from a young age. This might involve feeling very distressed about your body not matching how you feel, which is what medical professionals call gender dysphoria. But it’s also normal to question your gender at any age and experiment with how you express yourself – whether or not you go on to transition.

Realising you're trans

If this is where you're at right now, it might feel like being trans defines your whole existence, and it's normal to worry about what life will be like. You might also feel more secure, confident, or at peace with who you are - exploring gender identity is different for everyone.

Try to remember that being trans is just one part of who you are. It might feel like everything right now, but lots of trans people say they think less and less about it as they get older and feel more like themselves.

Because ultimately, trans people are just people like everyone else. There are trans musicians, writers, sports people, even judges. Even though life as a trans person comes with a lot of challenges, more and more people transition and live normal and full lives.

Coming out

This means telling people about your gender identity. If you’re not out, you might feel like you’re hiding parts of yourself. Coming out can release some of the pressure you might be feeling, but it can also be stressful if you’re not sure how people will treat you.

Sadly, the reality is that a lot of trans people still get rejected by family members or friends when they come out. If you don’t feel safe to come out, you’re not alone. You’re no less trans if you don’t tell other people – who you tell (or if you tell anyone) is no one’s decision but yours.

Getting healthcare

You might decide you need medical treatment to support your transition. Lots of trans people report being very distressed about how long they have to wait for treatment. If you’re feeling depressed, anxious or like you’re running out of time to start transitioning, you’re not alone.

Look after yourself, and try to focus on the things that are within your control. If you’re not able to access gender affirming healthcare or have existing treatment stopped or delayed, contact the Gendered Intelligence Support Line.

Living life on your terms

Transitioning looks different for everyone, and can involve lots of different steps. If you’re not medically transitioning (or waiting for treatment), you can still socially transition if you want to. This means doing things like dressing how you want to or asking people to call you by your chosen name and pronouns.

This is a big step, and it’s normal to feel different emotions. It can be exciting and empowering to express yourself, but you might also feel anxious about how you’ll be perceived in public. Challenges like people referring to you by the wrong gender or pronouns, or not using your chosen name can feel upsetting and invalidating.

Living openly in your gender identity can be especially tough if you don’t have supportive family members or friends. You may not be out to everyone in your life, which can be stressful. All these feelings are common and you deserve to be accepted for who you are.

Experiencing discrimination

Trans people are some of the most likely within the LGBTQ+ community to experience discrimination. Transphobia has been getting worse over the past few years, such as guidelines for doctors which means lots of people have had their medication stopped, or confusion over the Equality Act, which is making it easier to exclude trans people from public spaces.This is causing huge amounts of anxiety and anger for trans people who are just trying to get on with life.You may not be able to fix transphobia or change laws on your own, but you can get support if you’re discriminated against for being trans.

Finding support from people who share your experiences

It can be hard talking to people if they don’t get where you’re coming from. If you want to talk to therapists that understand gender identity and LGBTQ+ issues, take a look at Pink Therapy.

You could join a support group in real life or online, to have a safe space to let off steam and feel listened to. Or look out for LGBTQ+ events or groups in your area. This doesn’t have to all be nightlife focused if that’s not your bag – you could find coffee meet-ups or even LGBTQ+ sports clubs. Recently, local communities have started setting up SafeSpace directories of businesses that support trans rights – look them up on Instagram.

Speak to your GP or medical professional if your mental health concerns are taking over your life

If how you feel is stopping you from doing things that you would normally do, talk to a medical professional. You don’t have to talk about your gender identity if you don’t want to, or if you’re worried about how you might be treated – you can just focus on your mental health. Find out more about mental health conditions here.

Everyone deserves to be treated fairly and professionally by doctors. If you experience discrimination from a doctor or medical professional because of your gender identity, find out how to report it below.

Report it

You might feel like discrimination is something you just have to accept or can’t do anything about - but it’s illegal in most cases. Learning about your rights can help you feel more empowered to take action.

The majority of trans people don’t report hate crimes to the police. If you don’t feel comfortable doing this, you can also report hate crimes anonymously online – LGBT Foundation has advice about how to do this. There are even apps that help you report safely and get help if you need it.

It’s not your job to fix transphobia

There are lots of protests happening at the moment about threats to trans peoples’ safety and legal rights. And every summer, trans pride events raise awareness and bring the trans community together. These events can be a good way to let out your anger and share your feelings with people who understand what you’re going through. But it’s also natural to feel overwhelmed or anxious about being so visible in public.

Remember, trans, non-binary and intersex people have always been here. It’s not your job to confront every bit of discrimination you see or educate others about your right to exist. Trans and cis people alike need to work together to change society for the better, but right now, you need to look after yourself.

Talk to someone

Opening up about what you’re going through is a good way to lighten the load. We know that can be tough, though – here are some ideas for starting the conversation: