Gender identity

What does gender identity mean?

Most of us grow up in a world that assumes gender is simple - you’re born male or female, and there are ‘natural’ ways of being a man or woman that are connected to the type of body you have.

In reality, there's more to gender than that. What it means to be a man or a woman changes across time and between different cultures. As an example, people didn’t used to think women were capable of being educated in the same way as men or having the same jobs. Women who challenged this were accused of being ‘manly’.

Basically, gender is not a fixed and unchanging concept, and people’s gender identity doesn’t always line up with the physical traits most commonly regarded as male and female.

Gender identity can be personal to everyone, but lots of people share experiences that can be described using the following terms:

• Transgender (or trans): your gender identity is different to the sex you were assigned at birth. For example, you could have been assigned male at birth, but transition to being a woman.

• Non-binary: you might feel like neither ‘man’ or ‘woman’ fit you. This is called being non-binary. Some non-binary people identify as trans, or use other words to describe their experience, such as being genderqueer.

• Intersex: you were born with a combination of what are typically called ‘male’ and ‘female’ traits. Intersex people are still assigned a sex at birth, which may not line up with their own sense of their gender.

• Cisgender: someone whose gender identity is the same as the sex they were assigned at birth.

This is just a small number of the ways that people describe their experience of their gender. If you want to read more about other gender identities, including what it means to be gender non-conforming or gender fluid, go to MindOut.

Whatever your gender identity, you might also be LGBQ+, or you might be straight. You can read more about how your sexuality might impact your mental health in our sexuality guide.

Why can gender identity affect mental health?

First things first, being trans is not a mental health problem, and gender identity is something that doesn’t need to be anyone else’s business but yours. But for some reason, some newspapers, politicians and billionaires are using transgender people as a way to distract from actual problems facing society.

Throw in difficulties with accessing gender affirming healthcare, and it’s no surprise that gender identity can impact your mental health.

Here are some of the challenges you might be experiencing, depending on where you’re at in life:

Questioning your gender

Lots of people have a strong sense of their gender identity from a young age. This might involve feeling very distressed about your body not matching how you feel, which is what medical professionals call gender dysphoria. But it’s also normal to question your gender at any age and experiment with how you express yourself – whether or not you go on to transition.

Realising you're trans

If this is where you're at right now, it might feel like being trans defines your whole existence, and it's normal to worry about what life will be like. You might also feel more secure, confident, or at peace with who you are - exploring gender identity is different for everyone.

Try to remember that being trans is just one part of who you are. It might feel like everything right now, but lots of trans people say they think less and less about it as they get older and feel more like themselves.

Because ultimately, trans people are just people like everyone else. There are trans musicians, writers, sports people, even judges. Even though life as a trans person comes with a lot of challenges, more and more people transition and live normal and full lives.

Coming out

This means telling people about your gender identity. If you’re not out, you might feel like you’re hiding parts of yourself. Coming out can release some of the pressure you might be feeling, but it can also be stressful if you’re not sure how people will treat you.

Sadly, the reality is that a lot of trans people still get rejected by family members or friends when they come out. If you don’t feel safe to come out, you’re not alone. You’re no less trans if you don’t tell other people – who you tell (or if you tell anyone) is no one’s decision but yours.

Getting healthcare

You might decide you need medical treatment to support your transition. Lots of trans people report being very distressed about how long they have to wait for treatment. If you’re feeling depressed, anxious or like you’re running out of time to start transitioning, you’re not alone.

Look after yourself, and try to focus on the things that are within your control. If you’re not able to access gender affirming healthcare or have existing treatment stopped or delayed, contact the Gendered Intelligence Support Line.

Living life on your terms

Transitioning looks different for everyone, and can involve lots of different steps. If you’re not medically transitioning (or waiting for treatment), you can still socially transition if you want to. This means doing things like dressing how you want to or asking people to call you by your chosen name and pronouns.

This is a big step, and it’s normal to feel different emotions. It can be exciting and empowering to express yourself, but you might also feel anxious about how you’ll be perceived in public. Challenges like people referring to you by the wrong gender or pronouns, or not using your chosen name can feel upsetting and invalidating.

Living openly in your gender identity can be especially tough if you don’t have supportive family members or friends. You may not be out to everyone in your life, which can be stressful. All these feelings are common and you deserve to be accepted for who you are.

Experiencing discrimination

Trans people are some of the most likely within the LGBTQ+ community to experience discrimination. Transphobia has been getting worse over the past few years, such as guidelines for doctors which means lots of people have had their medication stopped, or confusion over the Equality Act, which is making it easier to exclude trans people from public spaces.This is causing huge amounts of anxiety and anger for trans people who are just trying to get on with life.You may not be able to fix transphobia or change laws on your own, but you can get support if you’re discriminated against for being trans.

Where can I find help?

• If you're feeling suicidal or have thoughts of harming yourself, talk to CALM. Our helpline is open from 5pm to midnight every day. Find out more here.

• Outside of these hours, call the Samaritans on 116 123.

• Switchboard LGBT+ provides support for LGBT+ communities and their allies.

• The LGBT Foundation also provide support and advice for anyone who wants support with their sexuality or gender identity.

• Specialist trans support organisations include Gendered Intelligence, Not a Phase and Mindline Trans+.

Find more places to get support with whatever you're facing here.

Supporting someone who’s struggling

If you’re reading this because you’re worried about a friend or family member, there’s lots of ways you can support them – and growing your own understanding of gender identity and mental health is a great start!

One of the most important ways to help is simply making sure they know that they’re not alone, and that there is always someone they can talk to. If you’re not sure how to start a conversation, or the best way to point someone towards the help they might need, get support from CALM.