Understanding sexuality

Name: Campaign Against Living Miserably
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Learn more about sexuality and how it can affect your mental health and wellbeing.

An illustration of a gold charm bracelet shaped like a heart, featuring various LGBTQ+ pride flags and symbols as charms against a purple background.

At a glance

Sexuality and mental wellbeing
What does LGBTQ+ mean?
Why can sexuality affect mental health?
Where can I find help?
What to do if you're struggling

Sexuality and mental wellbeing

How you experience attraction to other people is a personal thing, and is different for everyone. No matter what your sexuality is, there are people who share the same experiences. You’re not alone.
It’s normal to think about and experiment with your sexuality. You don’t need to fit under a specific label if you don’t feel comfortable.
Experiencing discrimination because of your sexuality can have a big impact on how you feel and your mental health.
LGBTQ+ people can be more at risk from suicide because of the discrimination they face. If you need support, talk to CALM.
Being LGBTQ+ isn’t a mental health problem. But LGBTQ+ people may experience things that impact their mental wellbeing - like stigma or abuse.
Whatever your sexuality, you deserve to feel happy and comfortable in your skin. There's loads of support available to help you if you're struggling.

When we talk about sexuality, we’re talking about how we experience attraction to other people. Most of us are brought up in cultures that expect us to be heterosexual, or ‘straight’ – that’s being sexually attracted to or interested in having a relationship with someone from the opposite sex.

Sexuality’s a lot more varied than that, though – and so is gender identity. You might be sexually or romantically attracted to people who are the same gender as you, to more than one gender, or you might not feel sexual attraction at all. Finding labels that describe how we feel is important to lots of people, but it’s also fine to not want to identify or for this to change.

Unfortunately, some people still don’t accept the LGBTQ+ community – and are currently making life a lot harder for transgender people, in particular. If you’ve been treated differently because you’re LGBTQ+ or you’re worried about how it might affect you in the future, you’re not alone.

What does LGBTQ+ mean?

LGBTQ+ refers to some of the different sexualities and gender identities that exist. It’s shorthand for a longer list (LGBTQIA+), which includes:

Lesbian: women attracted to other women.
Gay: men attracted to other men.
Bisexual: being attracted to more than one gender.
Transgender: having a gender identity that’s different to what you were assigned at birth. Even though being trans is about your gender rather than who you’re attracted to, many trans people are also LGBQ+ and belong to the LGBTQ+ community.
Read more about mental health and gender identity.
Queer: some people use queer as a more flexible description, if more than one label might describe them.
Intersex: some people have bodies that combine what would normally be called ‘male’ and ‘female’ traits. They can experience similar discrimination to trans people, such as not being legally recognised or not being able to access the right medical care.
Asexual and aromantic: spoiler alert, the ‘A’ doesn’t stand for ally. Asexuality means not experiencing sexual attraction and aromantic means not experiencing romantic attraction.
+: this acknowledges the huge scope and flexibility of gender and sexuality, which can’t be covered by one acronym.

Yeah, it’s a lot! If you’re questioning your sexuality, you might identify with one or more of the above terms, or none of them might feel right. The labels above don’t have to be boxes that you should fit into - it could help to see them as useful descriptions of how you feel, that can help you find other people with similar experiences to you.

If you want to read more about exploring your sexuality, you can head to MindOut.

Why can sexuality affect mental health?

Lots of things can impact our mental health, including where we’re from, our background and things we go through day to day. So it makes sense that your sexuality, and how people around you may treat you because of it, can affect how you feel.

Being LGBTQ+ isn’t a mental health problem. But LGBTQ+ people may experience things that impact their mental wellbeing. Here’s what that might look like, depending on where you’re at in life.

Questioning your sexuality

Lots of LGBTQ+ people know they’re not straight from a young age, but it’s also common to discover your sexuality later in life. You might have a strong or fixed idea of how you identify, or it might be less clear or change over time. All of these experiences are normal. There’s no rush to figure things out.

Coming out

Coming out means telling other people about your sexuality. If you’re not out, you might feel like you’re hiding parts of who you are. Telling people can lift a huge weight from you, but it can also be stressful if you’re not sure how they’ll react.

Reactions to sharing your sexuality are varied, and lots of LGBTQ+ people experience really positive and loving responses from their friends and family.

The reality is that some LGBTQ+ people still get rejected by family members or friends when they come out. Who you tell about your sexuality (or whether you tell anyone), is no one’s decision but yours.

Finding your place in the LGBTQ+ community

Being more open about your sexuality can be exciting – time to be yourself and explore a new community! There are more than 1.3 million LGBTQ+ people in the UK, which means there's a real variety of people, cultures and interests.

Understanding your sexuality can also be isolating, especially if you live away from bigger cities where there are more established LGBTQ+ communities.

If you come out later in life, you might feel ‘behind’ or nervous about entering a brand new dating pool. You’re not alone in that – discover your identity and where you feel comfortable at your own speed.

However you identify, you deserve to be happy and find joy in the life you lead.

Experiencing discrimination

It might be a mate making a shit joke, or a family member who’s ‘fine with it but just don’t talk about it’. Or maybe someone threatening you in public or treating you differently at work. Whether discrimination makes you physically unsafe or ‘just’ uncomfortable, it can take its toll on your mental health. Remember, it’s illegal to discriminate against people because of their sexual orientation so you can report it.

Pride month

June is LGBTQ+ Pride Month: rainbows are everywhere and marches, parties and events take over town and city centres. It can be a great time to meet other LGBTQ+ people, but it’s not unusual to feel a bit down, either.

Pride month can seem like a lot of pressure, especially if you don’t think you’re as out and proud as other LGBTQ+ people. Pride is personal for everyone. If you’re not out or don’t feel safe or comfortable going on marches, you’re no less LGBTQ+ than anyone else.

Lots of LGBTQ+ people can also feel under pressure during Pride month and year round to represent their community – for example, you might have been asked about running Pride events at work. Being expected to be an advocate can be exhausting. Remember, it’s not LGBTQ+ people’s responsibility to make things more equal, it’s everyone’s.

How you might be feeling

All of these pressures mean LGBTQ+ people are more likely to experience mental health problems at some point in life. You might be feeling confused, isolated, hopeless, anxious, depressed, judged or like giving up. Remember, there’s nothing wrong with being LGBTQ+, despite how some people around you might make you feel.

The LGBTQ+ community is massive, and full of people who have had similar feelings and come out the other side.The LGBTQ+ community has a long history of resilience and supporting each other – not to mention having a huge and positive impact on the world. There are LGBTQ+ community leaders, journalists, actors, sports people, scientists, musicians…and everyday people just getting on with life. Because ultimately, we’re just like everyone else.

Where can I find help?

If you're feeling suicidal or have thoughts of harming yourself, talk to CALM. Our helpline is open from 5pm to midnight every day. Find out more here.
Outside of these hours, call the Samaritans on 116 123.
Switchboard LGBT+ provides support for LGBT communities and their allies.
The LGBT Foundation also provide support and advice for anyone who wants support with their sexuality.
If you’ve experienced discrimination or abuse, Galop offers support and advice about reporting it.

Find more places to get support with whatever you're facing here.

Supporting someone who’s struggling

If you’re reading this because you’re worried about a friend or family member, there’s lots of ways you can support them – and growing your own understanding of sexuality and mental health is a great start!One of the most important ways to help is simply making sure they know that they’re not alone, and that there is always someone they can talk to. If you’re not sure how to start a conversation, or the best way to point someone towards the help they might need, get support from CALM.

What to do if you're struggling

Struggling with your mental health because of your sexuality? Here’s some steps you can take:

Find support from people who share your experiences

It can be hard talking to people who don’t get where you’re coming from. If you want to talk to an LGBTQ+ friendly therapist, take a look at Pink Therapy.

You could join a support group in real life or online, to have a safe space to let off steam and feel listened to. Or look out for LGBTQ+ events or groups in your area. This doesn’t have to all be nightlife focused if that’s not your bag - you could find coffee meet-ups or even LGBTQ+ sports clubs.

Speak to your GP or medical professional if your mental health concerns are taking over your life

If how you feel is stopping you from doing things that you would normally do, talk to a medical professional. You don’t have to talk about your sexuality if you don’t want to, or if you’re worried about how you might be treated – you can just focus on your mental health. Find out more about mental health conditions here.

If you experience discrimination from a doctor due to your sexuality or gender, find out how to report it below.

Report it

You might feel like discrimination is something you just have to accept or can’t do anything about - but it’s illegal in most cases. Learning about your rights can help you feel more empowered to take action. If you experience or witness homophobic abuse or a hate crime, you can get support and guidance about reporting it from LGBT Foundation. And there are even apps that help you report safely and get help if you need it.

It’s not your job to fix homophobia

Lots of LGBTQ+ people find it empowering to join organisations advocating for rights and social change. And it can feel great to go along to protests with likeminded people.

However, if things feel overwhelming, remember it’s not up to you to fix homophobia, or to be responsible for educating everyone around you about LGBTQ+ issues. Trying to fix every discriminatory thing you see would be a huge burden. It’s our collective responsibility to build an equal responsibility, but right not, it’s important you look after yourself.

Talk to someone

Opening up about what you’re going through is a good way to lighten the load. We know that can be tough, though - here are some ideas for starting the conversation:

“I need to talk to you about how I’m feeling. I experienced homophobic abuse and I can’t stop thinking about it.”
“I’ve been feeling like I’m not able to be myself, and I want to talk about what I think’s causing that.”
“I’ve been struggling with my mental health because I’ve been questioning my sexuality. It’s been making me feel very anxious and I need to talk about it”.
“You might have noticed I’ve not been around much lately. I’ve been finding things difficult, and think I need some help.”

You're not alone

Suzi Ruffell

"Talking about my own mental health has been something that has helped me and I know from tweets, messages and people sticking around after the show, it has helped others too. After meeting the CALM team I knew it was something I wanted to be part of and as a LGBT person (where suicide and self harm rates are higher than average) I am very excited to be involved."