How to: Have relationships that (actually) make you feel good
Partners. Dates. Mates. Family. Relationships can be tricky to navigate.
They’re a bit like houseplants - some need minimal fuss and others are a bit more needy. It’s normal to go through rough patches or get frustrated by their quirks, but when you really care about ‘em, sometimes it’s worth putting in the hard work.
Whether you’re searching for a relationship, struggling with a difficult one, or have lost one - we asked you lot for your top relationship tips and rounded up the best of ‘em.
We’ve all known someone who takes the piss when it comes to boundaries. The date who doesn’t order chips but then steals yours, or the mate who expects you to get back to their messages immediately. Boundaries are just a fancy word for letting people know what is and isn’t okay in your relationship, it’s stuff that can help protect your mental wellbeing (and your chips).
If you’re often over generous with your time, money, or emotions, it can help to take a step back and let that person know how you like to be treated. It might feel a bit awkward at first, but knowing where you both stand on stuff can actually make your relationship stronger and avoid difficult arguments in the future.
Here’s some of your tips to set boundaries:
Tip #2: Talk it out so stuff doesn’t get lost in translation.
When things are uncomfortable to talk about, it’s hard not to resort to caveman grunts, but loads of disagreements come from misunderstandings. We get it, chatting about this stuff can feel a bit fluffy and you might feel like wriggling out of tricky conversations, but communicating can stop things getting out of hand.
If those conversations don’t come naturally, make them more comfortable - take a walk together so you don’t need to hold intense eye contact, or head to a neutral space like a cafe or the pub. If things get heated, take five and chat about something a bit less serious until you’ve both calmed down.
Topics that always get stormy? Maybe a family birthday party isn’t the time to bring up your political differences. It can be hard when you keep stumbling over the same arguments, so there might be issues you steer clear of sometimes. We all have our own views and while it can be challenging, try to respect and understand that.
Here’s some of your tips for talking it out:
Tip #3: Laugh at stupid shit together.
Showing you care doesn’t have to mean grand gestures, it can be the little things - making someone a cuppa after a bad day, buying your hungover mate a bacon sarnie, or checking in when you haven’t heard from someone in a while.
Things can feel heavy and serious sometimes, so make time for the relationships that make you feel good and enjoy the silly stuff together.
Here’s some of your tips for enjoying the silly stuff together:
Tip #4: Listen.
Life can be pretty noisy, but we all like to be heard. Carve out time to listen to one another without distractions. You don’t have to head back to The Dark Ages to give your undivided attention, but try popping your phone on do not disturb for an hour, or switching off the tv.
When you care about someone it’s hard not to interrupt with solutions, but we all know how frustrating it feels when all you really want to do is vent about something shitty. If someone is upset, start by asking if it’s advice or just a bit of a moan they need.
Here’s some of your listening tips:
Tip #5: Things end but you’ll get through it.
Sometimes relationships don’t work out. Even though it’s normal for some relationships to fizzle out or go out with a bang, it doesn’t make it any easier.
Maybe you’ve grown apart or something happened that you can’t come back from - whatever the reason for a relationship ending, going separate ways from a partner, friend, or family member can fill you with the worst kind of feelings.
Breakups can actually churn up the same emotions as grief, so you might be feeling lots of different things day to day. It’s totally okay if you just need to throw the duvet over your head and demolish a family bag of flamin’ hot wotsits.
Call the people who make you feel good and remember, it might feel like you can’t get through it, but you will.
Here’s some of your tips for getting through breakups:
If you’re struggling in a relationship, or yours has come to an end, we have loads of useful stuff to help you move forward after a relationship breakdown.
Or, if you're struggling to move forward or are feeling suicidal because of relationship issues you're facing you can speak to CALM in confidence.
CALM’s professional helpline staff are available from 5pm to midnight every day. They can help you explore how you’re feeling and will talk things through without judgement. They'll give practical advice and suggestions to help you find a way to get help and feel better. Find out more about CALM's helpline here.
Looking for a relationship that makes you feel good? Why not start one with us. Not only are we great listeners, but we’re also full of stuff to inspire you to look after your head. Get involved, take on a challenge or donate to join us in the Campaign Against Living Miserably.
