DJ Krystal Lake: People pleasing was holding me back

Krystal Lake is used to teaching other people stuff. Over on Tik Tok she’s racked up more than 520,000 followers through her videos covering stuff ‘schools don’t teach’ including a whole lot on mental wellbeing. But she hasn’t always been so genned up on all the stuff that goes on in our heads.

We’re catching up as part of ITV2 and CALM’s How We Move series – a new show that’s all about finding new ways to look after your mental wellbeing. Nowadays, Krystal is kinder to herself - which, for her, means saying no more often.

“In high school and in uni, I was definitely struggling. But I didn't realise it because society makes it seem like not liking yourself is normal. So I was insecure, really trying to live up to all these unrealistic beauty standards, and also trying to get people to like me. I was so much of a people pleaser. I wanted everyone to like me even if that meant feeling uncomfortable or being someone I wasn’t.”

The term people pleaser has cropped up a lot over on Instagram and Tik Tok recently. And, like it says on the tin, it’s a term used to describe an emotional need to please others - usually at your own expense. That might mean considering someone else’s comfort or feelings over your own - over exerting yourself, or struggling in silence in order to avoid conflict. While we all want people to like us, constantly striving to keep everyone happy can be overwhelming and stop us looking after ourselves.

“I wouldn't be where I'm at right now if I didn't pay attention to my thoughts and look after myself."

Krystal credits starting to properly taking care of herself as a big part of where she is today.

“I wouldn't be where I'm at right now if I didn't pay attention to my thoughts and look after myself. When I was at my low points, I would show that in how I acted - whether that was through being really insecure, or surrounding myself with people who kept that negative spiral going. People think that when you're going through a rough time you're being really outwardly mean or miserable. I was being way too nice. But that meant I wasn’t respecting myself, my worth, my time.”

Things really started to change when Krystal started to actively think about and look after herself.

“Once I started to think in a more positive space, my friend circle became more positive. I was able to get more work done and focus on what I wanted to achieve. So that’s why my whole platform centres around self love and education. I talk about the stuff schools don't teach - and a lot of that has to do with mental health, because it's so important. Like, we're all out here being humans. And we've got to learn how to love ourselves to give ourselves the best experience in this life.”

Getting to that point wasn’t an overnight thing. It took a while to figure out how she was feeling and why. Something that helped was getting it all out in the open.

“The one thing that helped me was writing it all down. Everything. The things that are bothering you in your head, you can’t think of them all at once. But once you start putting it out on paper, you're like, ‘Oh, wow, maybe this is why I'm feeling like this’. It helps me work out what's wrong. And then, one by one, I go down that list and think of little solutions.”

One solution, or way Krystal gives herself space, is through her passion for DJing.

“When I DJ, I get so into it that I forget all the other things that are worrying me. It kind of locks me in the moment. I'm not staring at my to-do list or looking at my emails. It could just be playing a Spotify playlist. I know it's just gonna make me feel loose and happy. It just instantly lifts my mood.”

You can catch Krystal chatting all things self care over on the full How We Move series from ITV here. Spoiler: It contains pillow hugging and some seriously good art.

And if you’re struggling, there’s loads of support over on our Get Help Guides.