Dr Alex on toolkits, taking care of yourself and talking about grief

His Love Island days are long behind him, and Dr Alex George is a familiar face in the conversation about mental wellbeing. But that doesn’t mean he doesn’t have down days.

We’re catching up as part of ITV2 and CALM’s How We Move series – a new show that’s all about finding new ways to look after your mental wellbeing. Dr Alex knows a thing or two about looking after other people – he’s a proper doctor and all. But there’s always room to learn new things. That’s exactly what he’s been doing – chatting to Evanna Lynch, Yinka Bokinni, Tia O’Donnell, Riyadh Khalaf, Rob Bruce and Krystal Lake about the weird and darn-right wonderful stuff they get up to when they’re feeling low.

Alex is passionate about finding ways to get through, but he hasn’t always been in the know.

“When I was 18, I just didn’t have a clue. I was heading off to university to study medicine and I had very little understanding about taking care of myself. So by the end of med school, I was getting worried with anxiety, and really became quite burnt out. It’s only then that I learnt to actually take care of myself.”

So what does looking after himself look like for the doc? He admits that sometimes, even he can’t find the motivation to prize himself off the couch after a hard day.

“You know, it’s not easy. Sometimes you just really don’t want to do the things that are good for you. I mean, last night, I had a long, long day. And I got back, I sat on the couch and I really didn’t want to go for a swim. I couldn’t be bothered. But I knew I hadn’t really moved all day. I needed to do it because it’d be good for me. So I did. I got myself out. I said ‘Come on. Let’s go do it’ and went and did the swim. And you know what? Afterwards, I felt absolutely amazing. It’s a bit annoying really.”

Swimming’s all good. But not everyone wants to take a dip when they’re feeling shit. Especially if they’re not good at it.

“I often hear people say ‘going for a jog isn’t going to make things better,’ and they’re absolutely right. But the idea is consistency. Making consistent changes to your life that are positive and good for you. It’s not just one thing. It’s like going to the gym and doing one weight session and thinking you will suddenly be an Olympic weightlifter.

“I like to think of it like a toolkit. Everyone’s will be different. The things that help you might not help me and vice versa. There’ll also be things that are unhealthy. I know for me, when I’m really stressed I eat more unhealthy food for comfort. So that’s something in my toolkit, but it doesn’t mean it’s helpful. A big part of it is realising the things that help. Sleep does matter. What you eat does matter. Getting natural light does matter. You know, all these things come together and they make that picture of you. ”

And there’s been times when Dr Alex has really had to rely on his toolkit. He lost his brother, Llŷr, to suicide in 2020, something that CALM knows is really hard to deal with.

“Losing my brother has been really difficult. And it’s that experience, as hard as it’s been, that’s taught me a lot. I’m stronger for it. There’s nothing that makes it right. But you have to somehow look forward. That is something I have had to learn to do. And a lot of those toolkit things have been really important to me then, and still now.”

Dealing with the loss of a loved one is always hard. And when that loss is through suicide, it can be even harder – isolating, lonely, it can bring up so many mixed emotions. Grief is so often chalked down to just sadness. But it’s so much more than that. If you’re struggling with loss you can find out more here.

“Grief is an ongoing process. There is almost an expectation that there’s a start and an end. But grief can be quite cyclical, grief can be continuous. Losing my little brother is never gonna be okay. You know, I’m never gonna say ‘I woke up today, and I’m cool with it now.’ It’s never really okay. But you learn to live with these things.”

Something that’s helped get Alex through, is knowing that whatever he’s going through, it’s only temporary. Focussing on the present, and just putting one foot in front of the other, is sometimes all you can do.

“Even the best moments in your life, those emotions, they don’t last forever. But equally, the worst moments don’t last forever. It’s how you get through those times, how you take care of yourself.

“You hear that phrase ‘wellbeing’ kind of thrown around, but all we’re really talking about is how you take care of yourself. I think sometimes there’s this badge of honour about being burnt out. All that ‘sleep when you’re dead’ stuff. It’s rubbish. If you want to live a happy life, you’ve got to look after yourself.”

Back to the show, and Alex tries a whole host of techniques every episode – because everyone’s toolkit is different and you don’t know what’ll work, until you try.

“The thing that clicked for me is when I realised that meditation means being present. So it could be running, could be walking, could be sitting quietly in a room. But it can also be having heavy metal music playing in your headphones. We’re constantly worrying about the future, getting anxious about it or regretting the past, but actually you only have the present.”

That’s not to say Alex doesn’t worry or get stressed. It’d be weird if he didn’t. He’s just learned to know himself a bit better – recognise when he’s struggling and do something about it before it gets too much.

“Do I worry? Yes. Do I worry about the past? Of course I do. No one has clarity of mind all the time. But if you’re able to learn how to step off that roller coaster when it starts going too quickly, and know how to bring yourself to the present, then you’re onto a good thing.”

So how do you figure out what to put in your toolkit? It’s about figuring out what you like, what makes you feel good, and doing more of it – a bit like filling your fridge or packing your suitcase before a holiday.

“Even if you’re in a good place, Think about why. What things are you doing that are helping to keep you there? Everyone will go through a time that’s tough. And if you understand what helps you feel good in the good times, you’ll know what to do to get yourself back up there when things are not so good.”

Catch the full How We Move series from ITV here.

And if you’re struggling, there’s loads of support over on our Get Help Guides