Supporting someone with ongoing mental health struggles can be a loving and caring thing to do, but it can also be scary, frustrating, confusing, or overwhelming. Mental health can be complex, and struggles are rarely resolved overnight. There’s no perfect way to support someone who’s dealing with ongoing mental health struggles, but this guide has some practical ways you can help.
Supporting Someone Who’s Struggling
When someone you know has been struggling with their mental health for a while, it can be difficult to know how to be there for them.
How long can mental health struggles last?
When you care about someone who’s struggling, it’s natural to wonder when things might start to feel easier for them. But there’s no set timeline for mental health.
Everyone’s experience is different. Someone might have periods where they feel well and able to manage everyday life, followed by times when things feel much harder. For some people, mental health struggles might last for weeks or months. For others, they can last for years or come and go throughout their lives.
People struggle for different reasons - and sometimes the things affecting someone’s mental health are difficult to manage or change. Things like work, money, or family stress can take time to navigate. And sometimes, there is no clear reason for someone to struggle. They may seem to have a happy life, which can be difficult for them and for the people around them to deal with.
Someone doesn’t need a formal diagnosis to struggle with your mental health.
The help someone needs might change. Something that helps normally, might not help when someone is low.
Mental health treatments like therapy, medication or lifestyle changes have different effects on everyone. Finding what works can take time.
Having a difficult period doesn’t mean that previous progress is lost. Things can feel harder again without someone being back at square one.
Long waiting lists for NHS or mental health support can make it hard to get help, even if they are trying.
How can friends and family help?
When someone’s struggling with their mental health, feeling better can come from a combination of things. Professional help and advice is important, but it’s not the only thing that can have an impact. Support from friends, family and community can play a really positive role.
This kind of support can offer things other services can’t - like comfort, shared history, practical help, and connection. Even small moments of care can make a big difference - like a catch up over coffee or a text sent with love.
You don’t need to know what diagnosis someone has to be there for them. In fact, often people don’t have any kind of diagnosis. Listening to what they’re experiencing and asking what they need can be a great place to start.
Friends and family can be a massive support, but you’re not expected to take the place of professional mental health support.
Looking after yourself while supporting someone
When you begin to support a friend or family member, it can be natural to go all in. But it’s important to remember to look after yourself too. If you become someone’s main or only source of support, things can begin to get overwhelming or intense. You might gradually find yourself.
Being available at all hours and feeling responsible for them
Cancelling your own plans regularly or not making them at all because you are worried about them
Managing appointments or everyday responsibilities for them
Becoming the only person they will speak to about how they feel
Feeling unable to say no because you are worried about what might happen
If this sounds like you, you’re not alone. It doesn’t mean you need to stop caring or that you’ve done anything wrong. It might mean you need to work together to widen their support network and relieve some of the pressure.
You can find more about looking after yourself when supporting someone here. And remember, help from friends and family members is never a replacement for professional mental health support.
What if they don't want help?
Supporting someone isn’t always easy. Not everyone welcomes the help you might offer. And that can be really tough. Seeing somebody struggle when they don’t want, or don’t feel able to get help or to engage with things that might make them feel better, can be hard.
There are lots of reasons people might avoid getting support such as,
Fear
Exhaustion
Shame or stigma
Previous experiences
Worrying that getting help won’t make a difference
Often when people are at their lowest, it’s very difficult to see clearly or take proactive action, which can make getting support challenging. But you can’t force anyone to take help they don’t want - in fact, it can make them withdraw even more.
If someone rejects an offer of help you can let them know you are there for them when they’re ready and that you'll check in again soon. Knowing they have someone they can rely on can make a big difference. You can also share resources like CALM - that way they can reach out anonymously if they need to.
In the meantime, remain curious about what’s going on in their life and check in when you can. Be there for them in ways that feel right for you - concentrating on connection. You might meet them for coffee, head to the cinema or play an online game together - try to find activities you can both enjoy.
Remember, if anyone is in danger or in urgent need of medical attention, contact emergency services.
What can I do to help someone struggling with their mental health?
Everyone’s different, so what help looks like varies. You know your friend or family member, so think about their situation and their personality. Would they prefer you to pop round for a cuppa, or chat over the phone? It might help to ask “What are you struggling with most right now?” or “Is there anything I can do to help?”. Other people might prefer practical support - taking the bins out or getting groceries in. Small things can make a big difference.
Sometimes, just knowing you’re around and available is the important thing. If that’s the case, checking in regularly is a great idea. Try to bring some normality to the situation if you can, and avoid only asking if someone is feeling better - doing so can make it feel like they’re failing. For example, instead of ‘are you feeling better now?’ you could ask ‘how’s your day been?’.
Other helpful support can include:
Finding information about available services and support together
Sitting with them while they make a call
Helping them write down what they want to tell their GP
Helping them book an appointment
Travelling to an appointment with them and joining the meeting if appropriate
You can make help easier to access without taking over responsibility for somebody else's recovery. And remember, sometimes people will still say no.
You can’t make every decision for another adult. You can continue to care about them, encourage them and keep opportunities for conversation open, and decide what support you can safely provide.
Where can I find help?
- Talk to CALM from 5pm to midnight everyday. Our professional helpline workers are there to talk and to help you find ways to move forward. Calls and livechats are free, anonymous, non-judgemental and confidential.
- Outside of these hours, calls the Samaritans on 116 123
- Always call NHS 111 (freephone) or 999 if you or someone you know is in immediate danger
- You can get your thoughts and emotions out of your head using our Offload Your Thoughts tool. It can help you let off steam and get some perspective on what you're going through.
- Find more places to get help here.
