7th December 2023

Harpz Kaur: Losing someone to suicide is a grief like no other

Name: Campaign Against Living Miserably
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If you could write a letter to a past you, what would it say? What advice would you give to that person who was struggling 1,2,5 or 10 years ago? Welcome to Letter To Myself - where familiar faces share theirs.

Losing someone to suicide can churn up some really complicated feelings, and it can be hard to move forward when you want answers to questions you can’t ask.

Broadcaster and DJ Harpz Kaur has lost close friends and family to suicide. In her Letter To Myself, she reflects on the grief she went through and the stigma that can make talking about suicide feel so difficult.

Harpz,

Reading this might bring up some uncomfortable emotions, but maybe it’s what you need to move forward. You’ll never forget those heartbreaking phone calls that changed your life forever.

We all dread conversations about losing someone, whether you’re the one to deliver the news or the one to receive it. Either way, it’s not easy. Those moments don’t come with instructions on how to deal with them. And losing someone to suicide is a grief like no other. But know this. You’ll get through it.

The tears that rolled down your face as you felt nothing but pain are the only way to deal with things right now. Days where you just want to be alone in your room are what you need to process what is going on. The days when you wake up with so much anger are ok. You’re seeking answers for an impossible question.

The reality is nobody will ever know the truth apart from the person you wish you could hear from most. It’s hard to hear, but maybe looking for answers isn’t the solution. Learning to find ways to move forward is what you need right now.

We see a close up shot of Harpz sitting at a table, writing her letter in a yellow notebook.

We see Harpz smiling and looking off camera, sitting on a bench in front of some red flowers.

Harpz, you’ve learnt so much as time’s gone by. You’ve started to talk more openly about your mental health without feeling ashamed. You understand that talking about issues openly makes it easier to move forward. Now you want to give others the confidence to do the same.

You ask people how they are more often and offer a shoulder to cry on when someone’s suffering. But you’ve also learned to look out for the signs that loved ones are struggling. To notice when they’re behaving differently and learn the things that can bring some comfort.

We can’t be superhuman, but we do have the power to divert our attention to those that need it. You’ve worked really hard to make those difficult conversations more normal and tried your best to overcome the stigma around suicide in the hope it will make a difference to people’s lives.

“The sun is somewhere shining even when it rains” - I understand and believe in that sentence more than ever now."

Harpz, with a hopeful expression, looks off into the distance whilst sat in a leafy, sun-dappled garden.

Grief will never fade, and it’s alright to feel down some days when you miss someone, but it’s equally important to lift yourself back up. There’ll still be days when you find it difficult to express yourself, but you’ll learn to seek help without feeling embarrassed.

By moving one step at a time, I hope I can help others to come forward and speak openly too, because together, we can help the pain feel a little lighter.

“The sun is somewhere shining even when it rains” - I understand and believe in that sentence more than ever now.

Harpz

Losing someone to suicide is different to any kind of bereavement. It can be really isolating, but you’re not alone. We have lots of resources to help you move forward after losing someone to suicide.