Letter to myself: Chiedu Oraka on finding your place

Dear Chiedu,

I know you're probably feeling confused right now; you may be feeling a bit detached from your friends, their parents, teachers, and the people you interact with every day on your estate.

All you want is to get their approval and not be painted as some sort of villain. Your physical features and Nigerian identity seem to be at the forefront of everyone else’s minds.

The things they say stick with you and leave you with a huge sense of embarrassment: "Can I touch your hair?”, “Why does your house smell like that?”, “Did your mum used to live in a hut?”, ”Where do you really come from?.” Your name's too hard to say”.

Chiedu, I wish I could let you know that these struggles, these questions, and the constant need for approval are not your burdens to bear. I assure you that, in time, the uniqueness you are trying so hard to hide is going to be the source of your strength and power. Don't let other people’s judgments define you. Instead, embrace the essence of who you are, because that essence is your magic.

And, Chiedu, I know it's tough not having a father around. But don't be mad at mum; she's working tirelessly to keep food on the table. Her strength, sacrifices, and love will become the foundation for your resilience. Hold onto that.

You've been a constant target, labelled as a bad influence by your friends' parents. Know this – you had nobody to put their arms around you during those challenging times. Those parents who misunderstand you are the fools. Their judgments will not define your worth.

There will come a time when the world changes, and people begin to understand the power that comes with black skin. You, my younger self, will become a musician and performer, a local leader for Black Lives Matter.

You'll stand on stage, sharing your past traumas, becoming a beacon for the younger black generation. Hang on to your passion for rap. It might seem like a peculiar dream that gets laughed at, especially being a rapper from Hull. But trust me. Your journey will transcend the

laughter and lead to the creation of a vibrant rap scene in your city. It may sound unbelievable, but you will become a key figure in the flourishing northern rap scene.

So, embrace the challenge, Chiedu, as your unique story is one the world craves. Despite the current struggles and financial constraints on the council estate, envision yourself on grand festival stages and headlining shows across the UK.

As I write this, I'm arranging flights for your upcoming performance in Texas AND you have just signed a record deal, but that’s all I’ll tell you on that. Keep that hunger, believe in it, and you'll achieve.

You see, Chiedu, beneath the weight of loneliness and the longing for understanding, there lies a resilience that will shape you into an extraordinary individual. Your journey is unfolding, and though it may feel arduous now, the rejection you face is merely a reflection of others' insecurities. You possess a superpower – the ability to rise above adversity.

Don't be angry, my younger self; be proud. Understand that the struggles you face today are moulding you into the person who will one day hold the mood of every room, a true leader, and a beacon of inspiration for others.

You're a talented, unique soul, and as you navigate through life, remember: you are loved, you are needed, and the world awaits the greatness within you. The tug of war between feeling too black for the white kids and too white for the black kids won't last forever. Embrace your identity: it will be your strength.

Yes, there will be challenges. You might even find yourself in jail, facing trouble with the law. But fear not, for you'll emerge, get a degree, leave your comfort zone, and inspire people. Those parents and teachers who misunderstood you will eventually seek your voice in their schools. The parents who rejected you will want to be around you.

And here's a revelation, younger Chiedu, – you won't even realise you suffered from trauma and mental health issues until you give that Black Lives Matter speech. You don't need to put on that hard exterior; you're full of magic. Keep moving forward, embrace your true self, and watch how this magic unfolds.

With love and wisdom,

Chiedu