How to:
Get through another anxious Xmas

The cost of living crisis is dampening the usual Xmas spirit. With more than two fifths of the UK feeling worse off than last year, the thought of cashing out for Christmas can be worrying. Stresses can really pile up during the festive period, so if you’re feeling a bit bah humbug about it all, we’ve pulled together some proper useful tips to get you through.

At CALM, we know Xmas isn’t a jolly holiday for everyone. There’s stuff that can make this time of year really tough, from family politics to feeling lonely. So if the mention of the 25th December has got your palms all sweaty, we’re here to help.

We asked our helpline workers for some advice on how to deal with common Christmas anxieties.

“I feel under pressure to buy gifts for friends and family, but I can barely make my bills this month.”

If the countdown to Christmas has been marked by anxiously checking your bank balance, you’re not alone.

It can feel like there’s a lot of pressure to spend – there’s the expensive socials, food and the bills that come with being home more - but no Christmas should come at the cost of your mental wellbeing.

The holidays can be brutal on our hard-earned pennies, but being honest with your friends and family about what you can realistically afford is a great place to start. Most people will understand, and many will even be relieved to have an honest conversation about Christmas cash. Chances are, lots of them will be in the same boat.

A memorable Christmas doesn’t have to be all about the gifts. Swap exchanging presents for chipping into an experience to do together instead, swap the present splurge for a secret Santa, or bin off the pressies completely and put your focus into enjoying the day, whatever that means for you and the people you spend it with.

“I lost someone and I’m worried about how I’ll feel without them there”

Big dates can bring up big feelings after losing someone and celebrations can make it all the more obvious who’s missing from the table. This time of year can really amplify difficult emotions and you don’t need to have recently lost someone to struggle, the holidays can churn up a lot.

Just because there’s celebrations going on doesn’t mean you have to put on a different face either. It’s totally okay to make space to grieve and acknowledge what you’re going through. It’s also normal to feel a big range of stuff from anger to intense sadness.

Spend the time in whatever way feels right to you. Maybe that means stepping away from the usual traditions or starting some new ones in their memory. You could take a moment to chat about your favourite memories with them, raise a toast, or just take some time to quietly reflect on things.

Looking to the new year can be overwhelming too. If you’re struggling check out our guide to dealing with grief, or find support after suicide here.

“There’s so many social events and I don’t want to tell my mates I’m feeling overwhelmed.”

Time to yourself can feel hard to come by at Xmas, so stop carving the turkey and carve out some time for yourself instead.

Festive gatherings are great, but sometimes you just want to hang out at home wrapped up in a (pigs in) blanket. It’s normal to feel a bit peopled-out after rushing around crowded shopping centres and meeting mates for mulled wine. We don’t mean to sound like the Grinch, but it’s important to enjoy some time on your own too – even if it is just to eat those mince pies meant for Xmas Day.

“I’m meant to be hosting Christmas, but I’m worried I can’t afford it this year.”

Maybe you reluctantly agreed to have the family over but now it all feels a bit much.

If the whole thing feels like a lot, ask everyone to bring a dish and go buffet style, or try something different and swap expensive turkey (or tofurkey) dinners for tacos. You could even suggest that everyone pitches in a bit of cash to help cover costs. People will understand that hosting can be pricey.

Cooking Christmas dinner can also be pretty stressful – there’s never enough room in the oven and the chances are, a well-meaning member of the family is calling out advice from the sidelines. Why not shake up tradition and take your celebrations to the local pub or your fave restaurant instead and give the hosts a break.

Finally, if you’re finding things tough financially, you could ask about being referred to your local food bank. Our CALM Guide on financial stress has lots of useful stuff on where to find support for money worries.

“This time of year always makes me feel lonely. How can I feel better about spending Christmas by myself?”

Christmas can be a trigger for tricky emotions – and loneliness is a biggy. Even if you’ve chosen to spend the festivities alone, being swamped by people’s plans on social media can be taxing.

If you’re feeling daunted by a long day alone, divide your time up into stuff you love. Go for a walk at your favourite place, catch up with people on the phone, switch on the PS4 for a games-marathon, take part in an online event or local community group, or make a slap up feast with your favourite foods. Do whatever makes you happy and the day will feel a little easier.
Loneliness isn’t all about being alone. You can feel lonely even when you’re with people. From having lots on your mind, to feeling more introverted than usual, it’s normal to feel detached or withdrawn sometimes. Check out the CALM Guide on loneliness if you’re struggling.

“Spending Xmas with my family is hard. I can't be myself.”

Christmas is a time that a lot of us spend with family - and for some of us, that means not being able to be or feel our true self. Hiding or muting who you are can really take its toll, so try to make sure you carve out some time to chat to people who make you feel good - from Whatsapp chats to an alternative Xmas get together. And remember, there’s nothing wrong with saying no to a festive do if you think it’s going to make you feel low about yourself.

“This time of year is meant to be fun but I find it really tough.”

The festivities don't always live up to the hype - it might feel hard to please everyone with your plans, there’s family politics, money worries and a lot of pressure to celebrate. But the reality is it really is just a day.

This time of year can put strain on even the closest of relationships, so be transparent about how you’d like to spend the time. If that means forgetting the whole thing completely, you do you.

And, if you know someone who’s feeling rubbish about things, respect that we don’t always feel merry just because it’s Christmas. However you choose to do, or not do Xmas is okay.

Alongside the things we love about Christmas, there’s no denying that it can also be a challenging and stressful time. If you’re struggling to cope with things then CALM is here to help you through.

Other places to get support this Xmas:

• Marmalade Trust: A charity tackling loneliness through social connection
• MIND Side by Side: 24/7 online peer support groups
• The Trussell Trust: National network of food banks
• Stand Alone: Online support groups for anyone estranged from their family
  
• Age UK: Offer a telephone friendship service and advice line
• Turn2Us: National charity providing practical financial support
• Salvation Army: Support for homelessness, food banks, cafes and more
• Crisis: Residential and day centres across London over Xmas

This article was originally published 08/12/2023