14th June 2022

Talking to children and young people about suicide

Name: Campaign Against Living Miserably
Price range: $

Suicidal Thoughts Movement Against Suicide Advice

Movement Against Suicide Advice United Against Suicide Get Help On

Suicide is a topic that can be hard for adults to understand and talk about - and it’s even harder to explain to children. But if we don’t talk to children about it, chances are they will hear about it elsewhere and may get inaccurate information that is confusing or upsetting. And the stigma around the subject will grow.

Children can usually cope with difficult situations as long as they can talk about it openly with someone they trust, and they will benefit from your ability and willingness to help them understand things. Children work hard to make sense of their world, and we can help them do this by providing age-appropriate information and reassurance..

So we’ve put together these guidelines for families who may not be directly affected by a suicide, but who want to talk about this subject with a child or young person.

Talk in a calm, straightforward way

A child will look to you for cues and will pick up on your discomfort, so it's really important to be calm when talking things through. Put things clearly and simply and acknowledge when something might be difficult to talk about. It’s better to say ‘this can be hard even for grown-ups to understand and talk about, but I will try to explain things, and then we can talk about it together’ - than give the impression you have all the answers. Children are usually looking for a safe space to talk, and for their questions and feelings to be explored and validated, rather than needing you to know everything.

Provide some words to explain

It’s best to find a short and clear way to describe what suicide is that isn’t too open to interpretation or confusion. You could try something like ‘Suicide is when a person ends their life, or does something to make themselves die.’ You can leave the description there, but often a child will then ask why someone would do that. A helpful explanation can be ‘most often, people who choose suicide are very unhappy or unwell and believe it is the only way to stop their pain’.Linda Goldman, in her book Breaking the Silence, defines suicide for children as: “Suicide is when people decide they do not want their body to work anymore and they stop their body from working. They are so, so sad or so, so angry or so, so depressed that their mind becomes mixed up. They forget they can get help. There is always another way.”

“Suicide is when people decide they do not want their body to work anymore and they stop their body from working."

Let them know that suicide is not a solution to problems and there are always other choices

Talk with your child about coping with sadness and other difficult feelings and help them identify things they can do when they feel like that, such as talking with someone, or using art, music, writing or physical activity to express their feelings. Children may need reassurance that you would not choose suicide no matter how sad or upset you are, and that you will seek help if you or anyone in the family ever feels depressed or hopeless.

Share your beliefs

Even close family members may never know exactly why their loved one chose suicide and its important to be open minded in how we understand the reason behind it. Answer your child’s questions honestly, and help them understand that even though we believe suicide isn’t the answer, people who take their own lives are still loved and missed by their families.

Make sure you finish talking about suicide with your child by thinking together about what makes life worth living and your hopes for the future. Nurture a sense of wonder, joy, and hope in yourself and your children. Be realistic about the challenges of life and how we can all seek help when needed, but also share an appreciation for the good things in life and the things in the future to look forward to.