Need help? Call our helpline…

5pm–midnight, 365 days a year …or find help online here


0800 58 58 58


0808 802 58 58


Need help? Call our helpline
or find help online.

The Horror, The Horror

I am a sick man.

Ask any of my friends. I am banned in my flat from picking a film. After forcing my troupe to see one film recently, no one trusts me to take them to the cinema any more.

I hate “normal” films. The Matrix was good for about five seconds when I was fifteen, Love Actually makes me physically sick. Don’t even talk to me about Happy Feet.

I can do nice films, on occasion, but generally speaking you’ll find me in my room watching an obscure French horror film where pigs are raped and people crucified.

If you know which film I refer to, you suffer from the same obsession. For those who do not, it is called The Ordeal and is more funny than scary.

The internet has enabled man to pour his attention over things like never before. Some people masturbate furiously over nipple slips. Some follow their football team to such attention they can tell you if a goalkeeper has irregular bowel movements.

The internet has enabled me to do something else. To seek out new gore and degradation, to go where few men have gone before and fewer want to. I watch horror films.

I am not in love with famous horror films per se, such as Saw, though I did watch up until film four before I began to wish Jigsaw was murdering me so the whole thing would end.

Mainly I seek out obscure and visceral, violent, intense films. I highly recommend for those of you thinking this pursuit appeals, as well as Amazon, who stock everything made ever, as far as I can ascertain.

Martyrs is bloody and violent and ultimately rewarding, Trailer Park of Terror funny and creepy, The Descent downright abusive and Ringu mentally scarring. I could keep going, each film has its charms to me. Such is my disposition.

Disclaimer: The views expressed in this article or in the comments below, are not those held by CALM or its Trustees unless stated, and liability cannot be accepted for such comments. We encourage friendly and constructive debate, but please don't share personal contact details when commenting and exercise caution when considering any advice offered by others. We don’t allow abusive, offensive or inappropriate comments or comments that could be interpreted as libellous, defamatory or commercial and we will remove these without warning as and when we find them.

6 Responses to this article

  1. What did you make of The Human Centipide…?
    I’ve not seen it but apparently ‘A Serbian Film’ is pretty impossible to watch…

    vostokoflove 29th November 2010 at 5:53 pm
  2. Hi, I haven’t seen that one yet (though I have it). I’m looking forward to it! What did you think? I’m waiting on an unrated cut (internet based) of a Serbian film. I’m going to settle down to Loved Ones this week, have you seen that? (Adam Thorn)

    Scrappy 29th November 2010 at 11:33 pm
  3. Dunno. I prefer the suspense of suggestion rather than the gore. Blair Witch Project (whilst not amazing and not worthy of the hype) did this well. Even The Dark Knight (yes, I know it’s not horror)… not a single drop of blood in the film yet suggestively very violent. Would love to hear a few suggestions like this for my list, suggestions which are a less mainstream.

    martin.chapmanfromm 30th November 2010 at 8:41 pm
  4. I watched A Serbian Film. I do not recommend it. Loved Ones was Ok, but nothing brilliant.

    Martin- Paranormal Activity if you haven’t already seen it is very creepy, as is Ringu (The Ring, Japanese original- don’t waste time with the American remake). Also if you like implied violence try any of Michael Haneke’s films, particularly Funny Games. There’s a Belgian and a US version but they’re shot for shot identical pretty much. Let me know how you get on!

    Scrappy 1st December 2010 at 2:32 pm
  5. Love it!I’m more of a nipple slip man myself, but I understand the obsession!

    Matt Clay 4th December 2010 at 2:40 pm
  6. Ha! I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t partial on occasion to a bit of famous areola pink.

    Scrappy 4th December 2010 at 6:21 pm

Leave a Reply

Related Articles

Latest Articles

  • Lan The Baron 5-a-side World Cup

    Lan The Baron 5-a-side World Cup

    It was a Friday evening in February 2012, and I got the call from my brother, “Lanfranco…..he’s dead!” I didn’t believe it, I spoke to him…

  • Addiction 101

    Addiction 101

    What’s the difference between type 1 diabetes, liver disease, heart disease, high blood pressure, asthma and drug addiction? All are diseases, as defined by the World…

  • YOUR VOICE: Open Heart Surgery Rehabilitation

    YOUR VOICE: Open Heart Surgery Rehabilitation

    We interviewed a chap called Guy Heywood recently who had a pretty amazing story to tell. The following is an excerpt from his book Free To Choose about…