Need help? Call our helpline…

5pm–midnight, 365 days a year …or find help online here

Nationwide

0800 58 58 58

London

0808 802 58 58

Use

Webchat
Need help? Call our helpline 0800 58 58 58
or Use our WEBCHAT.

FIRST PERSON: Misfit

Misfit. No one word could possibly describe me as accurately as this. Whatever the surroundings, I’m the black sheep, the persona non grata, the sore thumb; any bullshit synonym you want to throw my way, I’ll welcome it with open arms. My sense of humour could make Jimmy Carr blush, and my caffeine-fuelled, erratic behaviour out-animates Jim Carrey. As I type this I realise that I am statistically sicker and more animated than every (living) Jimmy in this world.

My weirdness is just, wow. If you spent at least half an hour with me you’d find Jedward to be intelligent, captivating human beings. I honestly have no idea how or why my friends endure me, but yeah…

That is, of course, me at my climax of hyperactivity. As surely as Dr. Jekyll has Mr. Hyde, however, there is a darker, more sinister side to me. I killed Bugs Bunny. Obviously not, but as much as I can be bouncier than Tigger on ecstasy, I’ve got a darker side.

Marya Hornbacher’s book “Madness: A Bipolar Life” describes bipolar disorder as ‘Individuals who experience manic episodes also commonly experience depressive episodes, or symptoms, or a mixed state in which features of both mania and depression are present at the same time. These events are usually separated by periods of a “normal” mood; but, in some individuals, depression and mania may rapidly alternate, which is known as rapid cycling.”

Rapid Cycling I have only experienced twice. The reason? Miniscule and unimportant. The effect? Scary as fuck. The instantaneous transition between manic laughter and endless tears is unfathomable. I never want to experience that stuff again.

Why am I fine now? I talked. Granted, I felt like a little girl, but I talked, that’s all that matters. Talking helps anything. Other than silence, that is…

Related issues

Disclaimer: The views expressed in this article or in the comments below, are not those held by CALM or its Trustees unless stated, and liability cannot be accepted for such comments. We encourage friendly and constructive debate, but please don't share personal contact details when commenting and exercise caution when considering any advice offered by others. We don’t allow abusive, offensive or inappropriate comments or comments that could be interpreted as libellous, defamatory or commercial and we will remove these without warning as and when we find them.

Related Articles

Latest Articles